C'mon, admit it. You sometimes use the television set as a cheap
babysitter. That's ok...we ALL do it sometimes! Ah, but it's a
double-edged sword, because kids who watch a lot of TV have trouble
keeping themselves entertained, which in the long run makes your job
harder!
If you're trying to limit the TV viewing in your
household, you might need a little inspiration. Try these TV-free
activities guaranteed to keep the kids busy... at least for a little
while!
1) Make paper airplanes
Warning: This one is highly
addictive! My two boys absolutely love making paper airplanes. Buy them a
book on the fine arts of paper airplane making, and then put your feet
up and read a book.
2) Make a tower with toothpicks and peas
Go ahead- encourage them to play with their food!
3) Make homemade ice cream
Put
two parts milk and cream and one part sugar in a coffee can, with any
flavorings you want. Put the lid on, then put it in a bigger can and
pour ice around the little can. Put rock salt on the ice. Put a lid on
the big can, and give it to your child to roll it back and forth for
about 1/2 hour or until it turns into ice cream! (Do this one even if
it's winter...I won't tell!)
4) Give them a magnet and instruct them to run it all over the house and see what they find.
And loose couch change is fair game!
5)
If you have bunk beds, put blankets around the lower one and make a
submarine. Make it a yellow blanket. Then sing the appropriate Beatles
tune.
6) Play First Family Savings and Loan
Save your cancelled
checks and fake credit cards that come in the mail. Supply the kids with
a calculator, pencils, small table and Monopoly money. This one was my
favorite as a kid!
7) Build a mini log cabin with twigs
8) Have a tic-tac-toe tournament
9) Make your own soda.
Here's an easy recipe: http://www.easyfunschool.com/article2052.html
10) Make a card for Grandma.
Get out the rubber stamps, art supplies and construction paper and make a greeting card for Grandma or another loved one.
11) Bake a cake
Buy
the kids an easy cake or brownie mix and let them loose in the kitchen.
Tell them they can enjoy the fruits of their labors as long as they
clean up all mess.
12) Make up a treasure hunt
Buy cheap
dollar store toys. Hide in your closet. Make a list of items they must
find outside. (A white rock, a feather, a red leaf, a penny, etc) Tell
them an exciting booty awaits when they bring all the items to you.
13) Make a cave inside the house.
Put
old blankets over the backs of chairs or over a table to make a tent.
Grab a flashlight and instruct child to go read scary stories inside it.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
DNA Paternity Tests: Home Testing or Lab Testing?
The words "DNA testing" are most commonly associated with DNA paternity testing. We hear the term most often on television talk shows or perhaps in television courtrooms.
Paternity means fatherhood. Paternity is established when a paternity testing laboratory uses genetic testing methods to demonstrate that an alleged father is the biological father of a child. These DNA paternity tests are performed to a legal standard. Paternity is disproved when these same methods and standards demonstrate that an alleged father is not the biological father.
DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) is the genetic material in the cells of your body that govern inheritance of the color of your hair, eye color, your build, bone density and many other human and animal traits. DNA is a long, but narrow string-like object. A one-foot long string or strand of DNA is normally packed into a space roughly equal to a cube 1-millionth of an inch on a side. Not only does the human body rely on DNA but also so do most living things, including plants, animals and bacteria.
Every nucleated cell has 46 chromosomes, except the sperm cells from the man and the egg of the woman that only contain 23 chromosomes each. At the moment of conception, there are 46 chromosomes necessary to create a person. Thus, a person receives half of his/her genetic material or DNA from the biological mother, and the other half from the biological father.
Our body's cells each contain a complete sample of our DNA. There are muscle cells, brain cells, liver cells, blood cells, sperm cells and others. Basically, every part of the body is made up of these tiny cells and each contains a sample or complement of DNA identical to that of every other cell within a given person.
Every person's DNA is unique except for identical twins. Since it is so specific, just like a fingerprint, DNA paternity testing is the most powerful form of testing. DNA paternity testing is much more than a blood test. It can be performed on a much wider variety of samples, including blood cells, cheek cells, tissue samples, and semen. Since blood types, such as A, B, O, and Rh are more common within the general population; the power to differentiate individuals is not as high as with DNA paternity testing. Typical DNA test results are often 10 to 100 times more accurate than what the courts require.
Years ago, DNA testing required laboratory presence; however, there are now numerous types of home DNA tests available for use. These DNA test kits are available by direct shopping, mail order or online. The cost for these home DNA tests varies, depending on your specific desires. With a little research, you can even find a free DNA test. Most home DNA test kits are basically the same and are easy to use. For example, a basic, easy to use DNA paternity test kit may cost approximately $200.00. This low-cost DNA test kit is often used for proving paternity to a doubting father or for people who are simply looking for confirmation and peace of mind.
For approximately $225.00, a DNA test providing over 10 times more accuracy than the basic DNA test kit is available. Those with serious doubts concerning paternity and who want a higher accuracy rate than the basic DNA test kit commonly use this kit. Again, popular for those people who want that extra accuracy rating for peace of mind.
For those who simply have to have the best and are willing to pay for it, there is a higher accuracy rate DNA test kit available. This enables the parties to obtain an impressive accuracy rate that is offered by very few labs in the world. Keep in mind that DNA testing in itself is 99.999% accurate. The increased costs reflect the laboratory and higher accuracy rate of the type of test.
Another home DNA test will include testing for the mother, alleged father, and child. This will cost around $300.00. The mother does not have to be tested but is recommended if she is available (the price is the same). DNA paternity testing is so powerful that testing can be performed when the mother is not available.
Along with DNA paternity testing, a common use is the legal DNA test, i.e. to assist in matters of changing birth records, immigration issues, and inheritance issues. The average cost of this legal DNA test may cost approximately $400.00. The price structure of these kits depends on how many people are being tested. For example, mother, father and number of children. The cost to test each additional child can be anywhere from $150.00 to $175.00 per test.
Each DNA test kit listed above uses almost the exact same technique. Tests with higher accuracy involve testing more regions (parts) of each persons DNA. This extra work provides more information, and more accuracy – thus a higher, impressive accuracy rating.
With the home DNA test kit, it is recommended that samples be taken and sent to the lab within two weeks of each other (for best results). Samples have been tested up to 1 year old with positive results.
There are no age restrictions with DNA paternity testing. It used to be common procedure that only people over the age of 6 months could be tested. This was mainly due to the difficulty of drawing blood from small infants. In addition, a large sample, usually two big tubes of blood, was required. This would be very difficult on a small child. This is no longer the case. In fact, for paternity and custody issues, DNA testing can be done using buccal (cheek) swabs or umbilical cord blood collected at birth can be used and does allow for rapid and reliable testing regardless of age. Since the DNA is the same in every cell of the body, the accuracy of testing performed on cheek cells collected with a swab is the same as using the blood. The sample is collected by using a buccal swab and gently massaging the inside of the mouth. DNA can be extracted from this sample. This procedure is non-invasive and painless. This is the method used by the home DNA test kit.
However, DNA paternity testing only requires a few drops of blood (1/4 to 1/2 a teaspoon), or cheek cells collected by swabbing the mouth. This small amount of blood, or cheek swab, permits the easier testing of newborns and infants. Being that DNA is set at conception, a paternity test can be performed before the child is born, through Chorionic Villi Sampling (CVS) or Amniocentesis.
DNA Paternity testing can also be performed using post-mortem specimens collected by the coroner's office. A paternity test can be done when that person is deceased or missing by reconstructing his/her DNA patterns with samples from the deceased's biological relatives.
A DNA paternity test is the most accurate form of paternity testing possible. If the DNA patterns between the child and the alleged father do not match on two or more DNA probes, then that alleged father is 100% excluded which means he has a 0% probability of paternity – it is not possible that he can be the biological father of the child.
5 Ways to Keep Your Kids From Getting Sick
Teachers are finding it more of a challenge than ever to keep their
classrooms healthy and clean for students, according to a recent survey
of teachers.
The survey found that 90 percent of teachers think it is "common for students to come to school sick." Only about 30 percent said their schools' custodial staff disinfects the classrooms regularly.
"Germs are frequently spread through surface contact yet many teachers do not have the time or the tools to combat these germs," said Dr. Paul S. Horowitz, medical director of the Legacy Emanuel Children's Hospital pediatric and adolescent clinics in Portland, Ore. "This discrepancy can directly impact the health and wellness of both students and teachers."
More than 70 percent of teachers said they have missed school because of an illness they believe they caught from one of their students. The survey was conducted by the children's publisher Scholastic and released during an American Medical Association and National PTA media briefing on children's health.
Encouraging children to live a healthy lifestyle outside the classroom is important in illness prevention, said Janis Hootman, a registered nurse and immediate past president of the National Association of School Nurses.
"Children's health habits away from school have a direct impact on what happens to them and their classmates during school," Hootman said.
Doctors offer the following tips for parents:
* Make sure that your kids wash their hands. This is the single most effective method for disease prevention. Hands should be scrubbed for 10 to 15 seconds.
* Don't allow your children to share utensils. Although learning to share is important, this shouldn't apply to cups, glasses or eating utensils.
* Make sure your children get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation stresses the immune system. Most children need at least eight hours of sleep per night.
* Allow for a full recovery. Do not send your kids to school when they are sick.
* Keep your children up-to-date on vaccines. New vaccines guard against an array of dangerous illnesses, including meningitis.
"We've come so far in protecting public health as a result of widespread immunizations," said Dr. Walter A. Orenstein, associate director of the Emory Vaccine Center in Atlanta, Ga. "We protect each other by vaccinating our children."
The survey found that 90 percent of teachers think it is "common for students to come to school sick." Only about 30 percent said their schools' custodial staff disinfects the classrooms regularly.
"Germs are frequently spread through surface contact yet many teachers do not have the time or the tools to combat these germs," said Dr. Paul S. Horowitz, medical director of the Legacy Emanuel Children's Hospital pediatric and adolescent clinics in Portland, Ore. "This discrepancy can directly impact the health and wellness of both students and teachers."
More than 70 percent of teachers said they have missed school because of an illness they believe they caught from one of their students. The survey was conducted by the children's publisher Scholastic and released during an American Medical Association and National PTA media briefing on children's health.
Encouraging children to live a healthy lifestyle outside the classroom is important in illness prevention, said Janis Hootman, a registered nurse and immediate past president of the National Association of School Nurses.
"Children's health habits away from school have a direct impact on what happens to them and their classmates during school," Hootman said.
Doctors offer the following tips for parents:
* Make sure that your kids wash their hands. This is the single most effective method for disease prevention. Hands should be scrubbed for 10 to 15 seconds.
* Don't allow your children to share utensils. Although learning to share is important, this shouldn't apply to cups, glasses or eating utensils.
* Make sure your children get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation stresses the immune system. Most children need at least eight hours of sleep per night.
* Allow for a full recovery. Do not send your kids to school when they are sick.
* Keep your children up-to-date on vaccines. New vaccines guard against an array of dangerous illnesses, including meningitis.
"We've come so far in protecting public health as a result of widespread immunizations," said Dr. Walter A. Orenstein, associate director of the Emory Vaccine Center in Atlanta, Ga. "We protect each other by vaccinating our children."
Get Dad Involved in Breastfeeding
Many fathers feel excluded from parenting their children during the
first initial stages of life. This feeling of exclusion and helplessness
is exacerbated by mother breastfeeding her baby. So, can a father get
more involved when it comes to feeding his baby? The answer is, yes.
The number one thing a dad can do to get involved is to support mom. At times, both parents will feel very tired when caring for the newborn infant, the mother especially. This is why it's so important for the dad to support mom. So, exactly how does dad provide support? The most obvious thing to do is chores: preparing meals, cleaning house, laundry etc. He can also directly help take care of the baby by changing its diaper, bathing and burbing. But the most important thing he can do is to provide emotional support. To listen to what his partner is saying and to let her know how pleased he is with her as a mother. A new mother needs support at this time of life more than at any other time.
A dad can also get involved with feeding his child, even though mom is breastfeeding. A mother can express her milk and store it for later use. The baby can then be fed mom's milk with a bottle at a later time. No reason why dad can't do this. In fact it can be a real benefit to the mother during those nighttime feeds as she can stay in bed and catch up on some sleep while dad does the feeding.
Breastfeeding can be a 'selfish' activity for a mother. A lot of women who breastfeed, cherish the intimacy between mom and baby. Breastfeeding can be the most intimate experience for a woman; a physical bond between two people where one is nurturing the other in the most fundamental way. So, it's understandable that some mothers are reluctant to hand over feeding of their baby to someone else, even if it is the baby's father. But, if the father is feeling somewhat left-out-of-things then perhaps it's time to let the father bottle feed the baby with the mother's expressed milk. The level of intimacy they feel toward their baby when feeding surprises most fathers.
A be patient with dad. When he first starts to bottle feed his child he is bound to feel a little unsure of how best to do things. Show him how to hold the baby; how to soothe; how to notice signs of when the baby is hungry and when he's satiated. Soon, with a little gentle instruction, he'll be feeding baby as good as mom. And, he'll probably exchange notes with mom on the little improvements the baby is making at feeding time.
A couple raising a child need to approach it as a team effort. Sometimes, both mom and dad do things together and sometimes they swap roles. Flexibility is key. When one of the parents is feeling too tired, or fed up to take care of baby, the other can step in, thereby giving the other a rest. This swapping and sharing responsibilities can also include breastfeeding.
The number one thing a dad can do to get involved is to support mom. At times, both parents will feel very tired when caring for the newborn infant, the mother especially. This is why it's so important for the dad to support mom. So, exactly how does dad provide support? The most obvious thing to do is chores: preparing meals, cleaning house, laundry etc. He can also directly help take care of the baby by changing its diaper, bathing and burbing. But the most important thing he can do is to provide emotional support. To listen to what his partner is saying and to let her know how pleased he is with her as a mother. A new mother needs support at this time of life more than at any other time.
A dad can also get involved with feeding his child, even though mom is breastfeeding. A mother can express her milk and store it for later use. The baby can then be fed mom's milk with a bottle at a later time. No reason why dad can't do this. In fact it can be a real benefit to the mother during those nighttime feeds as she can stay in bed and catch up on some sleep while dad does the feeding.
Breastfeeding can be a 'selfish' activity for a mother. A lot of women who breastfeed, cherish the intimacy between mom and baby. Breastfeeding can be the most intimate experience for a woman; a physical bond between two people where one is nurturing the other in the most fundamental way. So, it's understandable that some mothers are reluctant to hand over feeding of their baby to someone else, even if it is the baby's father. But, if the father is feeling somewhat left-out-of-things then perhaps it's time to let the father bottle feed the baby with the mother's expressed milk. The level of intimacy they feel toward their baby when feeding surprises most fathers.
A be patient with dad. When he first starts to bottle feed his child he is bound to feel a little unsure of how best to do things. Show him how to hold the baby; how to soothe; how to notice signs of when the baby is hungry and when he's satiated. Soon, with a little gentle instruction, he'll be feeding baby as good as mom. And, he'll probably exchange notes with mom on the little improvements the baby is making at feeding time.
A couple raising a child need to approach it as a team effort. Sometimes, both mom and dad do things together and sometimes they swap roles. Flexibility is key. When one of the parents is feeling too tired, or fed up to take care of baby, the other can step in, thereby giving the other a rest. This swapping and sharing responsibilities can also include breastfeeding.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
It's Baby Bath Time!
Baby's first bath. It can be a little unnerving, especially if you are a
new mother and never given a newborn a bath. Don't worry though, you'll
do just fine. Mothers have been giving babies a bath since the
beginning of time. Today is much safer with all the new types of tubs
designed just for infants and toddlers. And many babies love getting a
bath!
Your newborn should just get sponge baths for the first couple of weeks at home or until the umbilical cord heals. Since your baby doesn't need a bath every day, you can give sponge baths twice a week or as often as you feel is necessary. It is important to go ahead and gather everything you will need before you start. And here is the equipment you will need to bath a newborn:
* 1. thick towels or a sponge-type bath cushion
* 2. soft washcloths
* 3. bath seat for basin or sink
* 4. cotton balls
* 5. baby shampoo and baby soap (non-irritating)
* 6. hooded baby towel
* 7. clean diaper and clothing
Make sure the room you are using is warm (around 75 degrees F). Place a non-skid cushion or towel at the bottom of the seat/tub so your baby will not slide around (little ones are very slippery). Run warm water (between 90 to 100 degrees or warm to the inside of your wrist) into the sink/tub. Gently undress your baby while talking in a soothing voice, explaining what you are doing. Place the baby in the water slowly.
Start with the face with just a little bit of baby soap. Next, wash the head, and continue moving downwards. When bathing your baby, make sure to clean the following areas (and creases) thoroughly: neck, ears, buttocks and groin area. Try not to get the umbilical cord area wet; gently clean with a cotton ball dipped in alcohol. And if your son is circumcised, try not to move the foreskin back when cleaning the groin area. Once you have the front clean, then finish with the back side.
Dry your baby thoroughly and then dress them. Make sure the head is completely dry. The first time may take a little bit of time because they will squirm and they are very slippery. But never take your hands off your baby. Once you both get used to this routine, it will be extremely easy. Have fun!
Your newborn should just get sponge baths for the first couple of weeks at home or until the umbilical cord heals. Since your baby doesn't need a bath every day, you can give sponge baths twice a week or as often as you feel is necessary. It is important to go ahead and gather everything you will need before you start. And here is the equipment you will need to bath a newborn:
* 1. thick towels or a sponge-type bath cushion
* 2. soft washcloths
* 3. bath seat for basin or sink
* 4. cotton balls
* 5. baby shampoo and baby soap (non-irritating)
* 6. hooded baby towel
* 7. clean diaper and clothing
Make sure the room you are using is warm (around 75 degrees F). Place a non-skid cushion or towel at the bottom of the seat/tub so your baby will not slide around (little ones are very slippery). Run warm water (between 90 to 100 degrees or warm to the inside of your wrist) into the sink/tub. Gently undress your baby while talking in a soothing voice, explaining what you are doing. Place the baby in the water slowly.
Start with the face with just a little bit of baby soap. Next, wash the head, and continue moving downwards. When bathing your baby, make sure to clean the following areas (and creases) thoroughly: neck, ears, buttocks and groin area. Try not to get the umbilical cord area wet; gently clean with a cotton ball dipped in alcohol. And if your son is circumcised, try not to move the foreskin back when cleaning the groin area. Once you have the front clean, then finish with the back side.
Dry your baby thoroughly and then dress them. Make sure the head is completely dry. The first time may take a little bit of time because they will squirm and they are very slippery. But never take your hands off your baby. Once you both get used to this routine, it will be extremely easy. Have fun!
4 Parenting Styles
Every grandmother and grandfather will tell you hilarious stories of
their children when they were first born. And for every funny and
touching story they have, they will be able to tell you another for
every hardship they encountered. Parenting is something that is done in
many different ways by each parent. The following are four general
styles employed by parents.
Authority: Authoritarian parents rule on just that: authority. Commands are given to children that they must follow regardless of the circumstances. If these commands are not followed, harsh punishment will ensue. These parents do not welcome feedback from their children. In fact, it is met with severe punishment. The children tend to be quiet and unhappy. They have more of a fear than a love for their parents. Male children have trouble dealing with anger and female children have trouble facing adversity due to their heavily structured life where nothing ever changes.
Indulgent: Indulgent parents tend to be described as lenient. They allow immature and childish behavior. These parents expect the children to learn from their mistakes and to fend for themselves in most times of need. These parents tend to be democratic and allow for feedback from there children on issues. They will hear both sides of an argument and usually make a compromise. Indulgent parents usually avoid confrontation with their children by all means, but do tend to be more involved and emotionally closer to their children.
Authoritative: Authoritative parents are a combination of the two styles previously mentioned. They are the happy medium. While expecting proper behavior from their children, they welcome feedback and questioning on certain issues. They're able to demand things of their children but are also able to respond to what they're child says, questions and requests. These children tend to be the happiest, most confident and self assured of all the mentioned parenting styles. It is very difficult to be a purely authoritative parent.
Passive: Passive parenting is being completely uninvolved. These parents may never be home due to immaturity, work or the like. These children are usually raised by grandparents, older siblings, babysitters or themselves. There is no parental involvement at all.
We wish you many happy stories!
Authority: Authoritarian parents rule on just that: authority. Commands are given to children that they must follow regardless of the circumstances. If these commands are not followed, harsh punishment will ensue. These parents do not welcome feedback from their children. In fact, it is met with severe punishment. The children tend to be quiet and unhappy. They have more of a fear than a love for their parents. Male children have trouble dealing with anger and female children have trouble facing adversity due to their heavily structured life where nothing ever changes.
Indulgent: Indulgent parents tend to be described as lenient. They allow immature and childish behavior. These parents expect the children to learn from their mistakes and to fend for themselves in most times of need. These parents tend to be democratic and allow for feedback from there children on issues. They will hear both sides of an argument and usually make a compromise. Indulgent parents usually avoid confrontation with their children by all means, but do tend to be more involved and emotionally closer to their children.
Authoritative: Authoritative parents are a combination of the two styles previously mentioned. They are the happy medium. While expecting proper behavior from their children, they welcome feedback and questioning on certain issues. They're able to demand things of their children but are also able to respond to what they're child says, questions and requests. These children tend to be the happiest, most confident and self assured of all the mentioned parenting styles. It is very difficult to be a purely authoritative parent.
Passive: Passive parenting is being completely uninvolved. These parents may never be home due to immaturity, work or the like. These children are usually raised by grandparents, older siblings, babysitters or themselves. There is no parental involvement at all.
We wish you many happy stories!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What You Can Expect From 7 To 9-Months-Old Babies
Now that your little angel has reached 7 months old. Time goes by so
fast that you don't realize your baby is now able to sit upright without
your support or even her own hands. Wow, that must be an incredible
feeling seeing her grow so instantly.
For parents of 7 to 9-months-old babies, what else can you find in their physical growths? Well, every baby is not the same. One may have earlier development from the others.
For example, your friend's baby was able to start crawling when he was 8 months old, while yours could do it when she was seven and a half months.
On the other hand, the first baby started teething when he was 6 months old, whereas yours did it when she was 9 months.
So, you really need not to be anxious about your baby's development. She will reach the stage.
What you need to pay attention to is your baby's developmental milestone. This means she should be able to do certain things at particular ages.
It's best for you to make some notes on your baby's growth, such as writing all her new skills in an online diary. If you do not want to miss any of your baby's growths, writing the journal will be very exciting.
Adding up cute photos when new things happen will also be a wonderful endeavor. Later on, you'll thank yourself for keeping the memories online as you can see it anytime anywhere. Add up the joy by sharing the site to friends and families.
Now let's go back to the previous topic. If you're a first-time parent, you probably still have a little idea about your baby's development.
Below is a milestone you can use as your guideline. If your baby isn't on her track or doesn't reach many of the stages mentioned here, you may consult it with your baby's pediatrician.
Here are some of the milestones for 7 to 9-months-old baby:
1. Sitting upright without support
2. Crawling
3. Teething
4. Babbling
5. Passing things from hand to hand
6. Standing up by holding onto something
7. Waving hands
8. Clapping hands
9. Turning heads when someone calls her
10. Holding her bottles
11. Picking objects up with pincer (thumb-finger) grasp
12. Testing your responses to her behavior
13. Able to distinguish people she knows and strangers
14. Cruising while holding onto the wall or other furniture
The older your baby, the more skills she may have. If your baby is not able to do some of these things, don't worry too much. It does not mean a problem. She'll reach the phase in the perfect time, soon.
For parents of 7 to 9-months-old babies, what else can you find in their physical growths? Well, every baby is not the same. One may have earlier development from the others.
For example, your friend's baby was able to start crawling when he was 8 months old, while yours could do it when she was seven and a half months.
On the other hand, the first baby started teething when he was 6 months old, whereas yours did it when she was 9 months.
So, you really need not to be anxious about your baby's development. She will reach the stage.
What you need to pay attention to is your baby's developmental milestone. This means she should be able to do certain things at particular ages.
It's best for you to make some notes on your baby's growth, such as writing all her new skills in an online diary. If you do not want to miss any of your baby's growths, writing the journal will be very exciting.
Adding up cute photos when new things happen will also be a wonderful endeavor. Later on, you'll thank yourself for keeping the memories online as you can see it anytime anywhere. Add up the joy by sharing the site to friends and families.
Now let's go back to the previous topic. If you're a first-time parent, you probably still have a little idea about your baby's development.
Below is a milestone you can use as your guideline. If your baby isn't on her track or doesn't reach many of the stages mentioned here, you may consult it with your baby's pediatrician.
Here are some of the milestones for 7 to 9-months-old baby:
1. Sitting upright without support
2. Crawling
3. Teething
4. Babbling
5. Passing things from hand to hand
6. Standing up by holding onto something
7. Waving hands
8. Clapping hands
9. Turning heads when someone calls her
10. Holding her bottles
11. Picking objects up with pincer (thumb-finger) grasp
12. Testing your responses to her behavior
13. Able to distinguish people she knows and strangers
14. Cruising while holding onto the wall or other furniture
The older your baby, the more skills she may have. If your baby is not able to do some of these things, don't worry too much. It does not mean a problem. She'll reach the phase in the perfect time, soon.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Baby Showers for Adoptive Parents
We all hear about baby showers for expecting parents, but what about for
adopting parents? An adoption baby shower is more than acceptable -
it's encouraged! Adopting parents have the same needs as any other new
parents would, but with a few minor considerations.
You should steer clear of planning a surprise celebration on the day the family brings their child home. This can be a very emotional time - the new parents and child (especially if the child is older) will need a period of adjustment. It is very important to be sensitive to their needs. In this case, delivering care packages and planning your celebration for a later date would be acceptable and appreciated. Be sure to talk with the new parents and find out what their wants and needs are before you set a shower date.
Your shower invitations should be sent out three to four weeks in advance, and should include the time, date, and location of the shower. Don't forget to set an RSVP date with your telephone number and address. If it is at all possible, include the child's birth date, as well as when he or she was officially adopted or welcomed into the home of his or her new parents. This will help your guests to pick age appropriate gifts. In the case of foreign adoptions, you could also add information about the birth country to inform your guests.
As with other baby showers, the theme for an adoption baby shower should be the same. However, if the child that was adopted is older, you should tailor your party to suit their age and favorite things. For example, a small girl might love everything that involves the Disney princesses and may go absolutely crazy over the color pink. In turn, an older boy may be fascinated by soccer and anything green. Don't be afraid to be a little creative to help make the party a special celebration to welcome the new child into your circle of family and friends!
Baby shower games are important too! However, stay away from games that are maternity-related. It's very important that you keep in mind that you are celebrating the gift of adoption. Your games help set the tone of the party, and should be mixed in with any other activity going on. An average shower lasts about two hours, so look at playing two to three party games. If the new parents are adopting an older child, make sure your games reflect that as well. One great adoption party activity is to organize a Welcome Book for the new child. Ask guests to bring pictures of themselves and their families to assemble into a scrapbook page they will create at the shower.
All of your shower decorations will naturally depend on the style, theme, and number of people attending. Balloons and streamers are standard, but there are a lot of creative and fun ideas to make the party extra-special. You're truly only limited by your imagination here.
If the adoption is an international one, you could use decorations that reflect the child's place of birth, and include recipes from his or her home country. For guests, it will be a learning experience.
As with decorations, party favors should match your shower theme and party size. Your favors can be used as place settings, prizes, or they can be handed out at the end of the party. A very popular idea for adoption showers is a special program for guests to keep. Written inside should be commitments to the child from his or her new parents, poems about love, family, and adoption, and prayers for the future.
When labeling your favor, keep in mind that your party is, again, in honor of an adoption, not a birth. Your wording on gift tags should reflect that.
Adoption is a very exciting time for the new parents. A baby shower or welcome party allows friends and family members to share in on the family's joy. When you host or even attend such a party, it is very important to know the needs and wants of the parents. Be sure to know ahead of time how old the child is. Find out if the parents have registered anywhere. Parents who are adopting should be reminded that they can actually register for older children as well as newborns.
By planning and hosting an adoption party, you are helping the new family formalize the acceptance of their child into their circle. You will be creating an occasion that will be documented for the child to look at in the future and remind them how much they were welcomed and loved from the start.
You should steer clear of planning a surprise celebration on the day the family brings their child home. This can be a very emotional time - the new parents and child (especially if the child is older) will need a period of adjustment. It is very important to be sensitive to their needs. In this case, delivering care packages and planning your celebration for a later date would be acceptable and appreciated. Be sure to talk with the new parents and find out what their wants and needs are before you set a shower date.
Your shower invitations should be sent out three to four weeks in advance, and should include the time, date, and location of the shower. Don't forget to set an RSVP date with your telephone number and address. If it is at all possible, include the child's birth date, as well as when he or she was officially adopted or welcomed into the home of his or her new parents. This will help your guests to pick age appropriate gifts. In the case of foreign adoptions, you could also add information about the birth country to inform your guests.
As with other baby showers, the theme for an adoption baby shower should be the same. However, if the child that was adopted is older, you should tailor your party to suit their age and favorite things. For example, a small girl might love everything that involves the Disney princesses and may go absolutely crazy over the color pink. In turn, an older boy may be fascinated by soccer and anything green. Don't be afraid to be a little creative to help make the party a special celebration to welcome the new child into your circle of family and friends!
Baby shower games are important too! However, stay away from games that are maternity-related. It's very important that you keep in mind that you are celebrating the gift of adoption. Your games help set the tone of the party, and should be mixed in with any other activity going on. An average shower lasts about two hours, so look at playing two to three party games. If the new parents are adopting an older child, make sure your games reflect that as well. One great adoption party activity is to organize a Welcome Book for the new child. Ask guests to bring pictures of themselves and their families to assemble into a scrapbook page they will create at the shower.
All of your shower decorations will naturally depend on the style, theme, and number of people attending. Balloons and streamers are standard, but there are a lot of creative and fun ideas to make the party extra-special. You're truly only limited by your imagination here.
If the adoption is an international one, you could use decorations that reflect the child's place of birth, and include recipes from his or her home country. For guests, it will be a learning experience.
As with decorations, party favors should match your shower theme and party size. Your favors can be used as place settings, prizes, or they can be handed out at the end of the party. A very popular idea for adoption showers is a special program for guests to keep. Written inside should be commitments to the child from his or her new parents, poems about love, family, and adoption, and prayers for the future.
When labeling your favor, keep in mind that your party is, again, in honor of an adoption, not a birth. Your wording on gift tags should reflect that.
Adoption is a very exciting time for the new parents. A baby shower or welcome party allows friends and family members to share in on the family's joy. When you host or even attend such a party, it is very important to know the needs and wants of the parents. Be sure to know ahead of time how old the child is. Find out if the parents have registered anywhere. Parents who are adopting should be reminded that they can actually register for older children as well as newborns.
By planning and hosting an adoption party, you are helping the new family formalize the acceptance of their child into their circle. You will be creating an occasion that will be documented for the child to look at in the future and remind them how much they were welcomed and loved from the start.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Understanding Autism In Children
Do you know autism affects male children four times more than female
children? The characteristic feature of autism in children includes
non-verbal and impaired verbal communication. In addition to this the
autism in children creates imaginative social interaction and activity.
Infantile autism in children develops at about 30 months of age. Autism
in children is a condition in which they find it difficult to build
normal relationships with others. This can easily be diagnosed by
disturbances normal characteristic behaviors.
It has been found that autism in children is occurring at a rate of 4 in 10,000 children. Moreover, autism in children is considered a lifelong disease. The occurrence of the disease ranges from mild to severe. In mild form, the child with autism can live independently, whereas in severe form the autism requires medical supervision and support throughout his/her life.
The risk factors and causes of autism include viral infection. Viral infection, mainly rubella virus during the first term of pregnancy, may predispose the occurrence of autism in children. Genetic, traumatic and infectious factors are the physical bases considered to be the main culprits for the occurrence of autism in children. In early stages, it has been considered that the autism in children is mainly induced by the parents, but it is not true.
Autism in children can occur in two forms: Patients exhibit the symptoms of autism within the first few months of life, or the child would be apparently normal up to 18 to 24 months of age, and then the symptoms would occur suddenly.
The symptoms of autism in children include nonverbal and verbal communication skills, along with odd facial expressions and speech difficulties. The language used by the children in the autism is often immature, unimaginative and not concrete. The language will be stilted in nature. Keep in mind that all of these symptoms may not be present in all children with autism.
Children with autism can also be less aware of stimulus in the external environment. In some cases, they are unable to recognize their parents after the first few months of life. Autism in children can lead to toilet training problems. The autism in children can hamper the child's ability to smile and show emotion and can end with behavioral abnormalities, such as walking on tiptoe, tantrums, unpredictable behavior, strange postures, staring at hands, and rocking.
They may also prefer playing alone, remain aloof, and become segregated from other children. Autism in children may cause the affected child to become obsessed with one action or topic, and extreme confrontation to change of any kind. The children with autism may want to set a separate environment for themselves and also may establish their own behavioral patterns.
It has been found that autism in children is occurring at a rate of 4 in 10,000 children. Moreover, autism in children is considered a lifelong disease. The occurrence of the disease ranges from mild to severe. In mild form, the child with autism can live independently, whereas in severe form the autism requires medical supervision and support throughout his/her life.
The risk factors and causes of autism include viral infection. Viral infection, mainly rubella virus during the first term of pregnancy, may predispose the occurrence of autism in children. Genetic, traumatic and infectious factors are the physical bases considered to be the main culprits for the occurrence of autism in children. In early stages, it has been considered that the autism in children is mainly induced by the parents, but it is not true.
Autism in children can occur in two forms: Patients exhibit the symptoms of autism within the first few months of life, or the child would be apparently normal up to 18 to 24 months of age, and then the symptoms would occur suddenly.
The symptoms of autism in children include nonverbal and verbal communication skills, along with odd facial expressions and speech difficulties. The language used by the children in the autism is often immature, unimaginative and not concrete. The language will be stilted in nature. Keep in mind that all of these symptoms may not be present in all children with autism.
Children with autism can also be less aware of stimulus in the external environment. In some cases, they are unable to recognize their parents after the first few months of life. Autism in children can lead to toilet training problems. The autism in children can hamper the child's ability to smile and show emotion and can end with behavioral abnormalities, such as walking on tiptoe, tantrums, unpredictable behavior, strange postures, staring at hands, and rocking.
They may also prefer playing alone, remain aloof, and become segregated from other children. Autism in children may cause the affected child to become obsessed with one action or topic, and extreme confrontation to change of any kind. The children with autism may want to set a separate environment for themselves and also may establish their own behavioral patterns.
The Importance of Baby Sleep
All living creatures need sleep. Sleeping gives people and all living
creatures the time for the body to recuperate and regenerate. Lion's
needs 16 to 18 hours of sleep, while primates, ten to twelve hours of
sleep. Humans need on average six to eight hours sleep to rejuvenate.
Human babies need a full eight hours of sleep and naps in between.
The body uses sleep as a way to regenerate cells and refresh the brain and overall aids in the development of our body, mind, and health. During our sleep, the human body can regenerate hair follicles, fingernails, toenails and even the outer covering of the skin. This happens because of the automatic pilot that is built into our bodies. People tend to think that the body only needs to recharge spent energy on the day's work but in truth the body works the regeneration cycle much faster when the brain does not control much action.
Babies therefore need their sleeping time to develop muscles, limbs, and skeletal structure. In order to achieve a good night's sleep for your baby, it is important that your baby have comfortable and inviting bedding. The secret to a good bed is one that feels just right. Beds that are to big may make your little one feel insecure. Your baby's bed should be cozy and offer security for them to get a good night sleep. Selecting the proper bedding should also be a concern. The bedding should be easy to touch and feel cozy. Bedding that is to stiff or even to fluffy decreases your baby's comfort level and therefore reduces his/her sleep time. We would want our babies to enjoy their beds and consider it a place of security.
Try to make your baby's sleeping experience a pleasant one. Bedding should be inviting to the eye. There are so many wonderful patterns and fabrics on the market today that choosing the right bedding should not be to difficult. Remember that your baby needs enough rest to stimulate his/her growth and development and when this is achieved, your baby can reach his full potential.
The body uses sleep as a way to regenerate cells and refresh the brain and overall aids in the development of our body, mind, and health. During our sleep, the human body can regenerate hair follicles, fingernails, toenails and even the outer covering of the skin. This happens because of the automatic pilot that is built into our bodies. People tend to think that the body only needs to recharge spent energy on the day's work but in truth the body works the regeneration cycle much faster when the brain does not control much action.
Babies therefore need their sleeping time to develop muscles, limbs, and skeletal structure. In order to achieve a good night's sleep for your baby, it is important that your baby have comfortable and inviting bedding. The secret to a good bed is one that feels just right. Beds that are to big may make your little one feel insecure. Your baby's bed should be cozy and offer security for them to get a good night sleep. Selecting the proper bedding should also be a concern. The bedding should be easy to touch and feel cozy. Bedding that is to stiff or even to fluffy decreases your baby's comfort level and therefore reduces his/her sleep time. We would want our babies to enjoy their beds and consider it a place of security.
Try to make your baby's sleeping experience a pleasant one. Bedding should be inviting to the eye. There are so many wonderful patterns and fabrics on the market today that choosing the right bedding should not be to difficult. Remember that your baby needs enough rest to stimulate his/her growth and development and when this is achieved, your baby can reach his full potential.
Mommy & Baby: Weight Gain & Failure To Thrive
A guide to appropriate weight-gain and what to look for if you suspect failure-to-thrive:
Weight Gain:
Birth – 2 weeks of age
Regain birth weight plus some
2 weeks – 3 months of age
Two pounds per month or one ounce per day
4 – 6 months of age
One pound per month or one-half ounce per day (should double birth weight by 6 months)
One year of age
2.5 to 3 times her birth weight
Failure to Thrive:
There is a difference between slow weight gain and failure to thrive. With slow weight gain, the gain is consistent. With failure to thrive, you will see a baby who continues to lose weight after 10 days of life, does not regain her birth weight by three weeks of age, or gains at an unusually slow rate beyond the first month of life. Things to watch for from the mother's and baby's side include:
Mother's side
Improper nursing technique (poor latch-on, etc.)
Nature or lifestyle (not enough sleep, liquids, nutritional foods, etc.)
Poor release of milk (related to let-down)
Feeding too frequently (this can give the baby an abundance of foremilk and a lack of hindmilk; the latter of which is nutritionally and calorie rich)
Feeding too infrequently (being a slave to the clock)
Not monitoring growth signs
Physical nurturing, holding, and cuddling
Infant's side
Weak sucking
Improper sucking
o Tongue-thrusting, pushing the nipple out of her mouth
o Protruding tongue, her tongue will form a hump in her mouth, interfering with latching on
o Tongue-sucking, she sucks her own tongue and not on the nipple
An underlying medical problem (if you suspect something, talk to your pediatrician immediately)
Getting the help you need
Lactation consultants can be very helpful in resolving issues related to latching on or inverted nipples, both of which can cause a problem with nursing. Allow the consultant to observe your baby nursing and note if there are problems in position, latching, or something else. Do not permit the consultant to dissuade you from your flexible routine if that's what you've decided to do for your family. Remember: if flexible routines were unhealthy, NICUs wouldn't use them for the most vulnerable of babies-preemies.
If you determine that your nursing difficulties cannot be solved or are more stressful on you as mommy than what you need, do not feel guilty about switching to a bottle. It is more important that your baby receive nutrition to grow and thrive than to fit someone else's ideal of motherhood.
Weight Gain:
Birth – 2 weeks of age
Regain birth weight plus some
2 weeks – 3 months of age
Two pounds per month or one ounce per day
4 – 6 months of age
One pound per month or one-half ounce per day (should double birth weight by 6 months)
One year of age
2.5 to 3 times her birth weight
Failure to Thrive:
There is a difference between slow weight gain and failure to thrive. With slow weight gain, the gain is consistent. With failure to thrive, you will see a baby who continues to lose weight after 10 days of life, does not regain her birth weight by three weeks of age, or gains at an unusually slow rate beyond the first month of life. Things to watch for from the mother's and baby's side include:
Mother's side
Improper nursing technique (poor latch-on, etc.)
Nature or lifestyle (not enough sleep, liquids, nutritional foods, etc.)
Poor release of milk (related to let-down)
Feeding too frequently (this can give the baby an abundance of foremilk and a lack of hindmilk; the latter of which is nutritionally and calorie rich)
Feeding too infrequently (being a slave to the clock)
Not monitoring growth signs
Physical nurturing, holding, and cuddling
Infant's side
Weak sucking
Improper sucking
o Tongue-thrusting, pushing the nipple out of her mouth
o Protruding tongue, her tongue will form a hump in her mouth, interfering with latching on
o Tongue-sucking, she sucks her own tongue and not on the nipple
An underlying medical problem (if you suspect something, talk to your pediatrician immediately)
Getting the help you need
Lactation consultants can be very helpful in resolving issues related to latching on or inverted nipples, both of which can cause a problem with nursing. Allow the consultant to observe your baby nursing and note if there are problems in position, latching, or something else. Do not permit the consultant to dissuade you from your flexible routine if that's what you've decided to do for your family. Remember: if flexible routines were unhealthy, NICUs wouldn't use them for the most vulnerable of babies-preemies.
If you determine that your nursing difficulties cannot be solved or are more stressful on you as mommy than what you need, do not feel guilty about switching to a bottle. It is more important that your baby receive nutrition to grow and thrive than to fit someone else's ideal of motherhood.
The Truth About Birth Trauma Every Mother Should Know
Most people take birth trauma for granted, thinking it means the
unavoidably compressive, difficult journey through the birth canal that
we all wish could be easier. What is not generally known is that the
pressures of birth and the interactions required of mother and child for
delivery are fundamental to health. The development of the baby's
cranium is supported by the effort required for birth, and the newborn
arrives with knowledge of what it means to partner with mom to win the
race in the celebration of life.
There are times, of course, when compressive obstacles during birth are not positive, resulting in difficulties and even injuries. Birth trauma can also mean many other things, including that which is avoidable. Not all birth trauma has to happen. There are standard birthing room procedures in place in many hospitals today that actually contribute to creating birth traumas that are completely unnecessary.
Bright lights, loud noises, unfamiliar voices and cold temperatures are shocking for newborns that have lived in a warm, fluid environment where light and sound are diffused by a protective, maternal shield. The unborn child has spent nine months learning about mom and how to recognize her. To be separated from mother is the ultimate birth trauma. Indeed, this disappointment surpasses the definition of trauma and is more accurately labeled as shock.
Another source of overwhelming trauma is cutting the umbilical cord before it stops pulsing. Dr. Frederick Leboyer, writing about the 25th edition of his book BIRTH WITHOUT VIOLENCE comments on this subject: "What should we do during these critical few minutes of the transition of the blood from the old route through the placenta to the newly working lungs? We must understand that Nature herself doesn't take sudden leaps and has her own pace. She has left this time; these last few minutes, so that this changeover from one world to another can be made with ease."
Birth trauma is also created by what precedes it. "We are nine months old at birth," says pediatrician Tony Lipson. We are born with the memory of our experiences in the womb, though that memory is thoroughly somatic. Prenatal history contains chapters of unacknowledged personal experiences that are formative for every aspect of health. Prenatal life is an epic tale of challenge and survival that includes struggle, loss and victory, as well as profound learning.
The fetus learns primarily through movement, and through what can be perceived and heard from within the mother's body. Long term studies conducted by American, Canadian and European researchers show that in-utero behavior is replicated post-natally. These memories are displayed in play, illness, sleep patterns, dreams, and, of course, relationships. It is now clear that what the prenate, and the neonate, learn promotes (or discourages) later bonding and attachment.
The fetal nervous system evolves delicately and responsively during gestation, like ornate filigree on an elegant necklace. It is this finely wrought nervous system that sorts information and ultimately determines the time of birth. The final decision making process initiates at least three weeks prior to the onset of labor. The fetus evaluates, through its hormonal sensation, the optimal moment for launching postnatal life. It must assess the degree of its own physiological maturation to make this critical decision. Disregarding this decision contributes to birth trauma
Birth marks the end of gestational hibernation and the sighting of the springtime of a new world. The stress of labor invites an outpouring of adrenaline that, surprisingly, serves to stabilize and calm the baby. This catecholamine power surge lasts for hours after birth, protecting the baby from danger. Given the brilliance of this perfect design, why interfere with Mother Nature unless life is threatened?
The hormonal arousal of birth promotes the parent-infant bonding that, we now know, is essential for the unfolding of post-gestational neurology. When we unnecessarily disrupt this process, we create birth traumas that play out for a lifetime of health and learning struggles. Immediately behind the ridge of the eyebrows lies the prefrontal cortex (the prefrontal lobes), the largest and most recent of brain additions. It plays a role in language development, interacting with the temporal lobes located on either side of the neocortex. The prefrontals evolve in two stages, the first of which is the immediate post-natal period. The second stage is during adolescence, at about age fifteen.
In the early period of prefrontal development, these lobes serve an integrative function, allowing the neonate to slowly absorb the powerful drama of birth. This lays the groundwork for later prefrontal development. However, further evolution is only possible if nurturing is received at birth through consistent eye contact with a primary caregiver and loving touch. Anything else is birth trauma.
Human development occurs in stages that are windows of opportunity. Prenatal life is a house of windows, and the birth experience is a window to the world. These windows open on a predetermined schedule that assures a precise pattern of neurological maturation. When prenatal and birth trauma occur, these windows do not close completely. Rather they remain slightly or partially ajar. If unattended to, however, these windows become impossibly sticky and extremely difficult to open.
What is needed to open such windows is the kind of stimulation that should have occurred originally. Touch, awareness and consistent, unwavering attention create an awakening of possibility. Love has to be infused through connective tissue that will communicate via the spinal cord to the basal ganglia, setting off a relay of responses throughout the brain. As brain structures respond, changes occur.
Treatment for birth trauma is most effective when it is employed as soon as possible after the trauma occurs. The longer the wait, the more prolonged the recovery process. The TARA Approach, a subtle energy medicine system of healing, has specific designs for treating birth trauma in infants, children and adults. TARA treatment designs incorporate neurological and embryological awareness and use subtle touch along with other non-invasive modalities. The emphasis is on self-care. The TARA Approach is an empowerment based, non-pharmaceutical healing system, oriented towards self-pacing. It is one of the few treatment programs that focus on birth trauma, and can be extremely healing in a great variety of situations.
There are times, of course, when compressive obstacles during birth are not positive, resulting in difficulties and even injuries. Birth trauma can also mean many other things, including that which is avoidable. Not all birth trauma has to happen. There are standard birthing room procedures in place in many hospitals today that actually contribute to creating birth traumas that are completely unnecessary.
Bright lights, loud noises, unfamiliar voices and cold temperatures are shocking for newborns that have lived in a warm, fluid environment where light and sound are diffused by a protective, maternal shield. The unborn child has spent nine months learning about mom and how to recognize her. To be separated from mother is the ultimate birth trauma. Indeed, this disappointment surpasses the definition of trauma and is more accurately labeled as shock.
Another source of overwhelming trauma is cutting the umbilical cord before it stops pulsing. Dr. Frederick Leboyer, writing about the 25th edition of his book BIRTH WITHOUT VIOLENCE comments on this subject: "What should we do during these critical few minutes of the transition of the blood from the old route through the placenta to the newly working lungs? We must understand that Nature herself doesn't take sudden leaps and has her own pace. She has left this time; these last few minutes, so that this changeover from one world to another can be made with ease."
Birth trauma is also created by what precedes it. "We are nine months old at birth," says pediatrician Tony Lipson. We are born with the memory of our experiences in the womb, though that memory is thoroughly somatic. Prenatal history contains chapters of unacknowledged personal experiences that are formative for every aspect of health. Prenatal life is an epic tale of challenge and survival that includes struggle, loss and victory, as well as profound learning.
The fetus learns primarily through movement, and through what can be perceived and heard from within the mother's body. Long term studies conducted by American, Canadian and European researchers show that in-utero behavior is replicated post-natally. These memories are displayed in play, illness, sleep patterns, dreams, and, of course, relationships. It is now clear that what the prenate, and the neonate, learn promotes (or discourages) later bonding and attachment.
The fetal nervous system evolves delicately and responsively during gestation, like ornate filigree on an elegant necklace. It is this finely wrought nervous system that sorts information and ultimately determines the time of birth. The final decision making process initiates at least three weeks prior to the onset of labor. The fetus evaluates, through its hormonal sensation, the optimal moment for launching postnatal life. It must assess the degree of its own physiological maturation to make this critical decision. Disregarding this decision contributes to birth trauma
Birth marks the end of gestational hibernation and the sighting of the springtime of a new world. The stress of labor invites an outpouring of adrenaline that, surprisingly, serves to stabilize and calm the baby. This catecholamine power surge lasts for hours after birth, protecting the baby from danger. Given the brilliance of this perfect design, why interfere with Mother Nature unless life is threatened?
The hormonal arousal of birth promotes the parent-infant bonding that, we now know, is essential for the unfolding of post-gestational neurology. When we unnecessarily disrupt this process, we create birth traumas that play out for a lifetime of health and learning struggles. Immediately behind the ridge of the eyebrows lies the prefrontal cortex (the prefrontal lobes), the largest and most recent of brain additions. It plays a role in language development, interacting with the temporal lobes located on either side of the neocortex. The prefrontals evolve in two stages, the first of which is the immediate post-natal period. The second stage is during adolescence, at about age fifteen.
In the early period of prefrontal development, these lobes serve an integrative function, allowing the neonate to slowly absorb the powerful drama of birth. This lays the groundwork for later prefrontal development. However, further evolution is only possible if nurturing is received at birth through consistent eye contact with a primary caregiver and loving touch. Anything else is birth trauma.
Human development occurs in stages that are windows of opportunity. Prenatal life is a house of windows, and the birth experience is a window to the world. These windows open on a predetermined schedule that assures a precise pattern of neurological maturation. When prenatal and birth trauma occur, these windows do not close completely. Rather they remain slightly or partially ajar. If unattended to, however, these windows become impossibly sticky and extremely difficult to open.
What is needed to open such windows is the kind of stimulation that should have occurred originally. Touch, awareness and consistent, unwavering attention create an awakening of possibility. Love has to be infused through connective tissue that will communicate via the spinal cord to the basal ganglia, setting off a relay of responses throughout the brain. As brain structures respond, changes occur.
Treatment for birth trauma is most effective when it is employed as soon as possible after the trauma occurs. The longer the wait, the more prolonged the recovery process. The TARA Approach, a subtle energy medicine system of healing, has specific designs for treating birth trauma in infants, children and adults. TARA treatment designs incorporate neurological and embryological awareness and use subtle touch along with other non-invasive modalities. The emphasis is on self-care. The TARA Approach is an empowerment based, non-pharmaceutical healing system, oriented towards self-pacing. It is one of the few treatment programs that focus on birth trauma, and can be extremely healing in a great variety of situations.
Solving Baby Sleep Problems - The Ferber Method
Nothing can prepare new parents for the mind numbing weariness that
comes with lack of sleep. A new baby may be tiny but the havoc they
wreak to your sleep is huge. It can take work to establish good sleeping
habits. One of the hardest things for your baby is to learn to fall
asleep on his own.
I firmly believe that parents need to reclaim their evenings. Babies and young children need to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that you can enjoy some adult time (Even if that just means crashing out on the sofa in front of the TV) What you don't want is to be running up and downstairs all evening in response to the baby monitor!
Baby is used to falling asleep with a parent. It may be tempting to rock that crying baby to sleep - it may seem quicker but in the long run you are not helping your baby to learn that sleep is something he needs to do alone.
If you establish a bedtime routine which you stick to every night and after several months your baby will still not fall asleep you might like to try the Ferber Method. Dr. Richard Ferber sets out a schedule that will gradually encourage your baby to sleep without you. This will include getting off to sleep in the first place but will have a knock on effect if baby wakes up during the night.
If you decide to try the Ferber Method choose a time when you can afford to loose some sleep. It will take a couple of weeks of hard work but the rewards will be long term and permanent.
Essentially the Ferber method encourages you to gradually wean your baby from falling asleep with a parent. It does involve listening to your baby cry - so steal yourself to this.
The first night you put your baby to bed as usual (a calm bedtime routine is essential) Baby should
be sleepy but still awake when you put him down (You want him to fall asleep alone - not in your arms)
Leave the room. When baby starts to cry (as he inevitably will) sit it out for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes return to the bedroom and soothe baby. You must not pick him up or rock him - just a gentle stroke or pat so that he knows you are close by. Leave the room again and this time wait 10 minutes before you return. Again sooth but do not pick up baby. Leave again and this time wait 15 minutes.
Make 15 minutes the maximum wait time for the rest of the night. Return to the bedroom - sooth and leave. During one of the 15 minutes he will fall asleep.
On the second night start with a ten minute wait and work up to 20 minutes.
On the third night start with a 15 minutes and work up to 25
Each night increase the times by 5 minutes.
These time intervals are not cast in stone - make them smaller if you wish but it's really important that you don't cave. It can seem heartbreaking to listen to your baby cry. But you are close by, it's a plan not indifference.
I firmly believe that parents need to reclaim their evenings. Babies and young children need to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that you can enjoy some adult time (Even if that just means crashing out on the sofa in front of the TV) What you don't want is to be running up and downstairs all evening in response to the baby monitor!
Baby is used to falling asleep with a parent. It may be tempting to rock that crying baby to sleep - it may seem quicker but in the long run you are not helping your baby to learn that sleep is something he needs to do alone.
If you establish a bedtime routine which you stick to every night and after several months your baby will still not fall asleep you might like to try the Ferber Method. Dr. Richard Ferber sets out a schedule that will gradually encourage your baby to sleep without you. This will include getting off to sleep in the first place but will have a knock on effect if baby wakes up during the night.
If you decide to try the Ferber Method choose a time when you can afford to loose some sleep. It will take a couple of weeks of hard work but the rewards will be long term and permanent.
Essentially the Ferber method encourages you to gradually wean your baby from falling asleep with a parent. It does involve listening to your baby cry - so steal yourself to this.
The first night you put your baby to bed as usual (a calm bedtime routine is essential) Baby should
be sleepy but still awake when you put him down (You want him to fall asleep alone - not in your arms)
Leave the room. When baby starts to cry (as he inevitably will) sit it out for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes return to the bedroom and soothe baby. You must not pick him up or rock him - just a gentle stroke or pat so that he knows you are close by. Leave the room again and this time wait 10 minutes before you return. Again sooth but do not pick up baby. Leave again and this time wait 15 minutes.
Make 15 minutes the maximum wait time for the rest of the night. Return to the bedroom - sooth and leave. During one of the 15 minutes he will fall asleep.
On the second night start with a ten minute wait and work up to 20 minutes.
On the third night start with a 15 minutes and work up to 25
Each night increase the times by 5 minutes.
These time intervals are not cast in stone - make them smaller if you wish but it's really important that you don't cave. It can seem heartbreaking to listen to your baby cry. But you are close by, it's a plan not indifference.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Ready, Set, Read: Specific activities to make your child a reader!
Providing positive, enjoyable literacy experiences give young
children opportunities to gain the knowledge, awareness, skills, and
love of learning that they need to later learn to read independently.
Here are 8 ways you can provide those experiences:
CHOOSE THE RIGHT BOOKS
Choose books that have large colorful pictures or photos; a few words on a page; rich language; and relate to concepts, people, or things in children's lives. With this exposure, young children learn that books and reading explain the world they live in and ultimately help them better understand themselves. Sound like a tall order for a toddler?
Not really when you consider perennial favorites such as The Hungry Caterpillar. This book does not contain many words but teaches counting and science concepts.
READ OUT LOUD
Read to children regularly and often. Pick a regular reading time, but also watch for opportunities to read books, signs, letters, or other print spontaneously. The experience of reading as a typical, everyday occurrence helps children gain confidence that they can learn to read themselves.
Stories influence children's learning for life. Some research suggests that the more stories children hear before entering school, the more likely they will be successful academically. Listening to books benefits their vocabulary and comprehension.
Spending just 15 minutes a day on this worthwhile activity can reap tremendous benefits!
MAKE READING FUN
Use a variety of expressions, tones, and voices to make a book even more fun.
Allow a child to listen at her own pace. If a baby fusses or a toddler wanders away, don't worry. Set the book aside and try again later. A baby may only listen for a minute or two at a time. Toddlers may want to wander around while you read, or listen to a few pages, move on to something else, and then return for a few more pages.
Encourage a child to join in on repeating phrases or rhymes, and honor requests to read the same book over and over.
MAKE BOOKS AVAILABLE
Make books available to babies and toddlers every day. Babies don't distinguish books from other toys and may pull, toss, or chew books. This tactile, physical exploration of books and how they work is important to literacy development.
Show how books work. Point out the cover, show which is the top and bottom, front and back of the book, and talk about how words are read from left to right on the page. Use your finger to point to a word and the corresponding picture on the page.
TALK TO YOUR CHILD
Remember literacy is about more than reading the printed word, it is about communication and understanding.
According to the National Research Council in Starting Out Right: A Guide to Promoting Reading Success, "Talk is essential - the more meaningful and substantive the better." Babies and toddlers learn about the sounds, meanings, and ideas in language when adults talk with them. Preschoolers expand their vocabulary and learn sentence structure.
Conversations with your children about what they are reading are critical to children's learning. Discussing books helps them understand how stories work, and how language works. When reading, stop and talk about the pictures and words on the page.
LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD
As much as babies, toddlers, and preschoolers need to hear language, they also need to practice and imitate sounds and words with interested listeners. Respond to your child's conversation and repeat their words back to them. Ask questions to show you are listening and that encourage a child to talk. Listen carefully and acknowledge answers. Listen to children's questions and take time to answer.
SING WITH YOUR CHILD
Children love to sing and can learn a great deal about stories and language from many popular children's songs. Songs also often teach through their content (alphabet, counting, etc.) Many nursery rhymes can also be learned through song and knowledge of nursery rhymes is an important part of overall literacy.
Pull out old favorites like "This Old Man" or "Where is Thumbkin?" and make up your own songs, too.
LET YOUR CHILD WRITE
When children write, they naturally begin to pay attention to the sounds words make and the letters that form words. And it doesn't matter how they spell! Recent research shows that young children who are allowed to write often with invented spelling, develop the ability to become good readers.
CHOOSE THE RIGHT BOOKS
Choose books that have large colorful pictures or photos; a few words on a page; rich language; and relate to concepts, people, or things in children's lives. With this exposure, young children learn that books and reading explain the world they live in and ultimately help them better understand themselves. Sound like a tall order for a toddler?
Not really when you consider perennial favorites such as The Hungry Caterpillar. This book does not contain many words but teaches counting and science concepts.
READ OUT LOUD
Read to children regularly and often. Pick a regular reading time, but also watch for opportunities to read books, signs, letters, or other print spontaneously. The experience of reading as a typical, everyday occurrence helps children gain confidence that they can learn to read themselves.
Stories influence children's learning for life. Some research suggests that the more stories children hear before entering school, the more likely they will be successful academically. Listening to books benefits their vocabulary and comprehension.
Spending just 15 minutes a day on this worthwhile activity can reap tremendous benefits!
MAKE READING FUN
Use a variety of expressions, tones, and voices to make a book even more fun.
Allow a child to listen at her own pace. If a baby fusses or a toddler wanders away, don't worry. Set the book aside and try again later. A baby may only listen for a minute or two at a time. Toddlers may want to wander around while you read, or listen to a few pages, move on to something else, and then return for a few more pages.
Encourage a child to join in on repeating phrases or rhymes, and honor requests to read the same book over and over.
MAKE BOOKS AVAILABLE
Make books available to babies and toddlers every day. Babies don't distinguish books from other toys and may pull, toss, or chew books. This tactile, physical exploration of books and how they work is important to literacy development.
Show how books work. Point out the cover, show which is the top and bottom, front and back of the book, and talk about how words are read from left to right on the page. Use your finger to point to a word and the corresponding picture on the page.
TALK TO YOUR CHILD
Remember literacy is about more than reading the printed word, it is about communication and understanding.
According to the National Research Council in Starting Out Right: A Guide to Promoting Reading Success, "Talk is essential - the more meaningful and substantive the better." Babies and toddlers learn about the sounds, meanings, and ideas in language when adults talk with them. Preschoolers expand their vocabulary and learn sentence structure.
Conversations with your children about what they are reading are critical to children's learning. Discussing books helps them understand how stories work, and how language works. When reading, stop and talk about the pictures and words on the page.
LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD
As much as babies, toddlers, and preschoolers need to hear language, they also need to practice and imitate sounds and words with interested listeners. Respond to your child's conversation and repeat their words back to them. Ask questions to show you are listening and that encourage a child to talk. Listen carefully and acknowledge answers. Listen to children's questions and take time to answer.
SING WITH YOUR CHILD
Children love to sing and can learn a great deal about stories and language from many popular children's songs. Songs also often teach through their content (alphabet, counting, etc.) Many nursery rhymes can also be learned through song and knowledge of nursery rhymes is an important part of overall literacy.
Pull out old favorites like "This Old Man" or "Where is Thumbkin?" and make up your own songs, too.
LET YOUR CHILD WRITE
When children write, they naturally begin to pay attention to the sounds words make and the letters that form words. And it doesn't matter how they spell! Recent research shows that young children who are allowed to write often with invented spelling, develop the ability to become good readers.
When To Make The Transition To A Toddler Bed
Many people are concerned about moving their child from their crib to a toddler bed too soon or too late. There are
some general guidelines but it really comes down to each individual child. While age and size can help provide some
indicators much of it depends on the childs mental and emotional development as to wether they are ready to handle this
dramatic change in their life.
If the child is starting to climb out of the crib then you definitely need to start the process of moving him/her from the
crib into a toddler bed. There is too great of a risk that the child can fall and injure themselves while climbing out of
the bed.
If your child is three feet tall or taller you should probably move them out of the crib because they are just getting too
large for most cribs. Any time you feel the child is too big, or active for their crib you can move them. If the child has
started potty training they may need to be in a bed to allow them to get up and use the bathroom as needed.
Most children can be safely moved to a toddler bed anywhere from 18 months to 3.5 years old. Many child experts recommend.
that you wait until the child is closer to 3 before moving them. This is a big change for most children, they are giving up
their familiar and comfortable crib. This can make it a very stressful situation for the child, if it seems to be causing
undue stress for your little one you are certainly better off to hold off and wait a little longer before moving the child.
If your toddler is climbing out of their crib yet resists being moved to a toddler bed you do have some alternatives. You
could install a crib tent on the crib. This is a framework covered with a mesh like cloth that appears very similar to the
popular dome tents. This mounts on the top of the rails of the crib and fully encloses it to keep the baby from climbing out
of the crib and possibly injuring themself.
Whenever you do decide to move the child try to get them excited about it and carefully monitor how they are reacting to the
change. There are a variety of things you can do to try to ease the transition for them.
some general guidelines but it really comes down to each individual child. While age and size can help provide some
indicators much of it depends on the childs mental and emotional development as to wether they are ready to handle this
dramatic change in their life.
If the child is starting to climb out of the crib then you definitely need to start the process of moving him/her from the
crib into a toddler bed. There is too great of a risk that the child can fall and injure themselves while climbing out of
the bed.
If your child is three feet tall or taller you should probably move them out of the crib because they are just getting too
large for most cribs. Any time you feel the child is too big, or active for their crib you can move them. If the child has
started potty training they may need to be in a bed to allow them to get up and use the bathroom as needed.
Most children can be safely moved to a toddler bed anywhere from 18 months to 3.5 years old. Many child experts recommend.
that you wait until the child is closer to 3 before moving them. This is a big change for most children, they are giving up
their familiar and comfortable crib. This can make it a very stressful situation for the child, if it seems to be causing
undue stress for your little one you are certainly better off to hold off and wait a little longer before moving the child.
If your toddler is climbing out of their crib yet resists being moved to a toddler bed you do have some alternatives. You
could install a crib tent on the crib. This is a framework covered with a mesh like cloth that appears very similar to the
popular dome tents. This mounts on the top of the rails of the crib and fully encloses it to keep the baby from climbing out
of the crib and possibly injuring themself.
Whenever you do decide to move the child try to get them excited about it and carefully monitor how they are reacting to the
change. There are a variety of things you can do to try to ease the transition for them.
A Child's Love Of Learning Begins
Reading aloud may be the single most important activity parents do with their child.
That's because a child who is read to is more likely to enjoy reading and will want to learn to read. Once a child becomes passionate about reading-he or she will have the opportunity to enjoy a lifetime of learning.
According to Dr. Andrea Pastorok, education psychologist for Kumon Math and Reading Centers, reading aloud stimulates the brain and serves as the foundation for literacy development.
Studies show that the more a person reads, the better he or she becomes at it and students who read the most are more likely to stay in school and experience academic achievement.
Dr. Pastorok recommends these tips to make reading aloud fun and interesting for your children:
1. Begin reading aloud to your child as soon as possible. Reading to infants helps them develop a sense for the rhythm and pattern of language.
2. Remember, the art of listening is acquired. It must be taught and cultivated gradually. Read slowly enough for your child to build mental pictures of what he or she has just heard.
3. Reading aloud helps children develop their imaginations and creativity. Looking at illustrations also encourages an appreciation of art.
4. If chapters are too long for one reading session, find a suspenseful stopping point.
5. Use plenty of expression when reading. If possible, change the tone of your voice to fit the dialogue and adjust the pace of your voice to fit the story.
6. Avoid long descriptive passages until the child's imagination, vocabulary and attention span are capable of handling them.
7. Unusually active children may find it difficult to sit and listen. Paper, crayons and pencils allow them to keep their hands busy while listening.
8. Encourage conversation about what is being read. Foster a child's curiosity with patient answers to their questions.
9. Remember to set aside regular reading times each day for your child to read on his or her own.
Dr. Pastorok is an educational specialist with Kumon Math and Reading Centers. She has a doctorate in educational psychology, a master's degree in counseling psychology and more than 30 years' experience working with children.
That's because a child who is read to is more likely to enjoy reading and will want to learn to read. Once a child becomes passionate about reading-he or she will have the opportunity to enjoy a lifetime of learning.
According to Dr. Andrea Pastorok, education psychologist for Kumon Math and Reading Centers, reading aloud stimulates the brain and serves as the foundation for literacy development.
Studies show that the more a person reads, the better he or she becomes at it and students who read the most are more likely to stay in school and experience academic achievement.
Dr. Pastorok recommends these tips to make reading aloud fun and interesting for your children:
1. Begin reading aloud to your child as soon as possible. Reading to infants helps them develop a sense for the rhythm and pattern of language.
2. Remember, the art of listening is acquired. It must be taught and cultivated gradually. Read slowly enough for your child to build mental pictures of what he or she has just heard.
3. Reading aloud helps children develop their imaginations and creativity. Looking at illustrations also encourages an appreciation of art.
4. If chapters are too long for one reading session, find a suspenseful stopping point.
5. Use plenty of expression when reading. If possible, change the tone of your voice to fit the dialogue and adjust the pace of your voice to fit the story.
6. Avoid long descriptive passages until the child's imagination, vocabulary and attention span are capable of handling them.
7. Unusually active children may find it difficult to sit and listen. Paper, crayons and pencils allow them to keep their hands busy while listening.
8. Encourage conversation about what is being read. Foster a child's curiosity with patient answers to their questions.
9. Remember to set aside regular reading times each day for your child to read on his or her own.
Dr. Pastorok is an educational specialist with Kumon Math and Reading Centers. She has a doctorate in educational psychology, a master's degree in counseling psychology and more than 30 years' experience working with children.
Can Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Be Prevented?
Sudden Infant Death Syndrom (SIDS) is the sudden death during sleep of
an apparently healthy child, under the age of one. A diagnosis of SIDS
can only be applied after adequate post mortem investigations reveal no
other causes. SIDS could be said to be a sudden death during sleep for
no apparent reason.
It is impossible to predict if a child will succumb to SIDS. Medical research has failed to pinpoint a single exact cause but it has indicated various "risk factors" Knowing where the risk are can help you to eliminate them and thereby reduce the risk of SIDS by up to 75%. Use these guidelines to help provide a safe sleep environment for your baby.
*Put your baby to sleep on his back.
The back to sleep campaign is thought to have reduced Sudden Infant deaths by between 50 - 75%. This is fairly new advice. Older mums (like me!) were probably told to put babies to sleep on their stomachs. However, medical opinion is unanimous. Putting baby to sleep on his/her back is the single most important thing you can do to prevent SIDS.
*Use a firm Mattress with a fitted sheet.
Do not put baby to sleep (even for a nap) on soft surfaces such as water beds, sofa cushions, sheepskins or sleeping bags.
*Remove all soft things from the crib/sleep area
Take away fluffy blanket, pillows, soft toys, duvets etc
*Keep baby's face uncovered.
Make sure that baby's face stays uncovered and that blankets cannot shuffle up during the night. It is better to use sleep clothing rather than blankets. If you do use blanket make sure that you place baby at the foot of the crib (with his feet to the bottom) and the blanket firmly tucked under the mattress and no higher than baby's chest.
Do not smoke
Do not smoke during pregnancy and do not allow others to smoke round your baby.
*Sleep near to your baby.
It is suggested that you should keep baby in the parent's bedroom until 6 months old. It is NOT intended that you share a bed with your infant. It is hard to follow the SIDS prevention rules in an adult bed. The mattress is usually too soft and the pillows and fluffy bedding provide addition risks.
*If you use a pacifier for sleep or nap times do not reinsert it once baby is asleep
*Do not allow your baby to overheat
The room should be at a temperature that is comfortable for an adult. Do not use too many clothes or blankets.
*Make sure everyone knows these prevention tips.
Some of this advise is new (especially back to sleep) and older carers may not know. It is important that everyone who looks after you baby is aware of the steps to keep your baby safe.
It is impossible to predict if a child will succumb to SIDS. Medical research has failed to pinpoint a single exact cause but it has indicated various "risk factors" Knowing where the risk are can help you to eliminate them and thereby reduce the risk of SIDS by up to 75%. Use these guidelines to help provide a safe sleep environment for your baby.
*Put your baby to sleep on his back.
The back to sleep campaign is thought to have reduced Sudden Infant deaths by between 50 - 75%. This is fairly new advice. Older mums (like me!) were probably told to put babies to sleep on their stomachs. However, medical opinion is unanimous. Putting baby to sleep on his/her back is the single most important thing you can do to prevent SIDS.
*Use a firm Mattress with a fitted sheet.
Do not put baby to sleep (even for a nap) on soft surfaces such as water beds, sofa cushions, sheepskins or sleeping bags.
*Remove all soft things from the crib/sleep area
Take away fluffy blanket, pillows, soft toys, duvets etc
*Keep baby's face uncovered.
Make sure that baby's face stays uncovered and that blankets cannot shuffle up during the night. It is better to use sleep clothing rather than blankets. If you do use blanket make sure that you place baby at the foot of the crib (with his feet to the bottom) and the blanket firmly tucked under the mattress and no higher than baby's chest.
Do not smoke
Do not smoke during pregnancy and do not allow others to smoke round your baby.
*Sleep near to your baby.
It is suggested that you should keep baby in the parent's bedroom until 6 months old. It is NOT intended that you share a bed with your infant. It is hard to follow the SIDS prevention rules in an adult bed. The mattress is usually too soft and the pillows and fluffy bedding provide addition risks.
*If you use a pacifier for sleep or nap times do not reinsert it once baby is asleep
*Do not allow your baby to overheat
The room should be at a temperature that is comfortable for an adult. Do not use too many clothes or blankets.
*Make sure everyone knows these prevention tips.
Some of this advise is new (especially back to sleep) and older carers may not know. It is important that everyone who looks after you baby is aware of the steps to keep your baby safe.
Gain Space With Clever Designed Kitchen Islands
Kitchen islands are among the most popular items in kitchen remodelling
projects. They offer versatility in style and function. People often add
them as part of an overall refacing project. You can choose to blend
the island with your countertops and cabinetry or choose a granite
island with wood or laminate surfaces.
Kitchen islands are available in a variety of colors, sizes and materials to suit any home décor. Choose contemporary, country homestyle or summer kitchen styles. Look through catalogs and home decorating magazines to see the options and unique designs available. Make notes of what you like and features you need in your island.
Adding Kitchen Islands
You can add an island easily, if you have enough room. Look at several islands and get the exact dimensions of the ones you like best. Measure your kitchen; you will need to leave between forty two and forty eight inches of space around the entire island. You want to make sure you can open your refrigerator, oven and dishwasher easily.
To get the feel for how much space an island will take up, try a little experiment. Find a piece of furniture in your home that is about the size and dimensions of your island. Move this furniture into the kitchen and place it where want the island to be located. Keep it there for about a week or so to help you decide if you can live with it. If it's too large, look for a model with smaller dimensions. Experiment with a few different sizes to find the one that feels right.
There are no rules governing the height. It's a matter of preference and function. You need to decide what the area will be used for to determine how high to make the counter. If you will be cooking, preparing food or using a built in sink, make the height even with your other kitchen cabinets. Choose a lower height for seating with tables, or a higher counter for stool type seating.
Utilizing kitchen islands the clever way
Consider how you will use the island. Do you need more storage space? Think about your lifestyle and what you will You have several choices for cooking, preparing food, clean up and storage.
+ For storage space, islands can be made to match existing kitchen cabinets and counter tops. Cabinets, drawers or a combination of both can be used to maximize storage space.
+ Adding bookshelves to the end creates a great place to display your cookbook collection. Add a few collectibles to the shelves for a more personalized look.
+ Wine lovers sometimes choose to add a wine rack in place of shelves.
+ Cooking space can be built into the top of an island, saving space above the oven. This is a great option for kitchens with a double oven.
+ Consider how you will use the top when choosing counters. A built in butcher block or cutting surface is great if you spend a lot of time preparing food. This helps you avoid cuts and nicks on the surface of your counter.
+ If you like to bake, consider marble. You can prepare and roll out your dough right on the surface without sticking.
+ An island can be used for seating area. Adjust the height lower for table type seating or raise it higher for barstools. Allow about two feet of space per person for comfort.
+ Sinks and appliances, such as dishwashers and trash compactors can be added to an island in place of cabinets.
+ Have an electrical outlet added to one side. This is great for cooking with small appliances like electric mixers or blenders.
Portable Islands
A portable island gives you additional countertop area when you need it. These are a great alternative for smaller kitchens. You can purchase one unassembled and put it together yourself easily. Portables usually are on wheels, allowing you to move it out of the way when you need extra space.
You can purchase a moving island with a cabinet for storage space, or get one that looks like a taller table. A built in cutting board surface gives you additional space for cutting vegetables and preparing food. The most common materials used for the top are steel, tile and wood.
Kitchen islands are available in a variety of colors, sizes and materials to suit any home décor. Choose contemporary, country homestyle or summer kitchen styles. Look through catalogs and home decorating magazines to see the options and unique designs available. Make notes of what you like and features you need in your island.
Adding Kitchen Islands
You can add an island easily, if you have enough room. Look at several islands and get the exact dimensions of the ones you like best. Measure your kitchen; you will need to leave between forty two and forty eight inches of space around the entire island. You want to make sure you can open your refrigerator, oven and dishwasher easily.
To get the feel for how much space an island will take up, try a little experiment. Find a piece of furniture in your home that is about the size and dimensions of your island. Move this furniture into the kitchen and place it where want the island to be located. Keep it there for about a week or so to help you decide if you can live with it. If it's too large, look for a model with smaller dimensions. Experiment with a few different sizes to find the one that feels right.
There are no rules governing the height. It's a matter of preference and function. You need to decide what the area will be used for to determine how high to make the counter. If you will be cooking, preparing food or using a built in sink, make the height even with your other kitchen cabinets. Choose a lower height for seating with tables, or a higher counter for stool type seating.
Utilizing kitchen islands the clever way
Consider how you will use the island. Do you need more storage space? Think about your lifestyle and what you will You have several choices for cooking, preparing food, clean up and storage.
+ For storage space, islands can be made to match existing kitchen cabinets and counter tops. Cabinets, drawers or a combination of both can be used to maximize storage space.
+ Adding bookshelves to the end creates a great place to display your cookbook collection. Add a few collectibles to the shelves for a more personalized look.
+ Wine lovers sometimes choose to add a wine rack in place of shelves.
+ Cooking space can be built into the top of an island, saving space above the oven. This is a great option for kitchens with a double oven.
+ Consider how you will use the top when choosing counters. A built in butcher block or cutting surface is great if you spend a lot of time preparing food. This helps you avoid cuts and nicks on the surface of your counter.
+ If you like to bake, consider marble. You can prepare and roll out your dough right on the surface without sticking.
+ An island can be used for seating area. Adjust the height lower for table type seating or raise it higher for barstools. Allow about two feet of space per person for comfort.
+ Sinks and appliances, such as dishwashers and trash compactors can be added to an island in place of cabinets.
+ Have an electrical outlet added to one side. This is great for cooking with small appliances like electric mixers or blenders.
Portable Islands
A portable island gives you additional countertop area when you need it. These are a great alternative for smaller kitchens. You can purchase one unassembled and put it together yourself easily. Portables usually are on wheels, allowing you to move it out of the way when you need extra space.
You can purchase a moving island with a cabinet for storage space, or get one that looks like a taller table. A built in cutting board surface gives you additional space for cutting vegetables and preparing food. The most common materials used for the top are steel, tile and wood.
Teach Your Child The Alphabet
One of the first steps in becoming a successful reader is to learn to
recognize the letters of the alphabet. The alphabetic principle teaches
that spoken language is represented by written words that are made up of
varying combinations of letters, and that these letters and
combinations of them make up all of the sounds in spoken language.
Attaching sounds to these letters and learning to write them paves the
way to successful reading and writing.
Learning to say their ABCs is a great start for any preschooler, but it is just as important for your child to learn the sounds of the letters. Preschoolers, who know the sounds of the letters of the alphabet, have an easier time learning to read.
In order to read, every child must know the sounds of the letters as well as the shapes and order. More than that he must be able to recall them quickly. When he sees the letter he should be able to say the letter or vocalize its sound without hesitation. This should happen whether he hears the letters in order or not.
While the alphabet song can be a fun way to start learning the ABCs it is not enough because children also need to be able to identify each individual letter. In fact, this skill is much more important than knowing where it falls in the alphabet as it is the key in learning to read.
Research shows it is important for young children to be able to:
~ Recognize and name letters
~ Recognize beginning letters in familiar words (especially their own name)
~ Recognize both capital and lowercase letters
~ Relate letters to the specific sounds they represent
Knowledge of the alphabet is the foundation to your child's literacy development and you shouldn't assume your child will learn this skill in kindergarten. Waiting until kindergarten to learn the ABCs will put your child behind many other students and may cause added stress.
Children who can read independently "translate" alphabet shapes accurately back into sounds. If we want our children to be able to read independently, we needed to teach them:
~ The shapes of the alphabet letters;
~ The various sounds of each letter;
~ The sounds made by combined letters.
You can start teaching the alphabet when your child is young. My son mastered his letters by his second birthday and I helped him do that without flashcards and without whining! He loves working with his "letters" and even now as he approaches his fourth birthday requests a particular game or activity. He doesn't know he's learning-he just thinks he's having fun with his Mommy.
There are many ways that you can help your preschooler learn the sounds and names of the letters of the alphabet.
You don't need expensive tools and programs and in fact many of those can be counterproductive as they make learning work. My greatest success was simply to work on letters in context with the world whenever he seemed open to the opportunity. The alphabet became simply a part of our daily life including errands and play time.
Learning to say their ABCs is a great start for any preschooler, but it is just as important for your child to learn the sounds of the letters. Preschoolers, who know the sounds of the letters of the alphabet, have an easier time learning to read.
In order to read, every child must know the sounds of the letters as well as the shapes and order. More than that he must be able to recall them quickly. When he sees the letter he should be able to say the letter or vocalize its sound without hesitation. This should happen whether he hears the letters in order or not.
While the alphabet song can be a fun way to start learning the ABCs it is not enough because children also need to be able to identify each individual letter. In fact, this skill is much more important than knowing where it falls in the alphabet as it is the key in learning to read.
Research shows it is important for young children to be able to:
~ Recognize and name letters
~ Recognize beginning letters in familiar words (especially their own name)
~ Recognize both capital and lowercase letters
~ Relate letters to the specific sounds they represent
Knowledge of the alphabet is the foundation to your child's literacy development and you shouldn't assume your child will learn this skill in kindergarten. Waiting until kindergarten to learn the ABCs will put your child behind many other students and may cause added stress.
Children who can read independently "translate" alphabet shapes accurately back into sounds. If we want our children to be able to read independently, we needed to teach them:
~ The shapes of the alphabet letters;
~ The various sounds of each letter;
~ The sounds made by combined letters.
You can start teaching the alphabet when your child is young. My son mastered his letters by his second birthday and I helped him do that without flashcards and without whining! He loves working with his "letters" and even now as he approaches his fourth birthday requests a particular game or activity. He doesn't know he's learning-he just thinks he's having fun with his Mommy.
There are many ways that you can help your preschooler learn the sounds and names of the letters of the alphabet.
You don't need expensive tools and programs and in fact many of those can be counterproductive as they make learning work. My greatest success was simply to work on letters in context with the world whenever he seemed open to the opportunity. The alphabet became simply a part of our daily life including errands and play time.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
4 Blocks to Building a Lifelong Relationship with Your Daughter
As with every generation, mothers and daughters share a special bond.
Though one is not quite a woman and one, in many ways, is still no
longer a girl – they each bear the qualities of each other. Little
girls want to grow up fast, and dear sweet moms want to regain their
youth. Mothers also know how important it is to be a good role model
for their daughters.
So, with only the best of intentions, moms and daughters travel their journeys through life. It is every mother's hope that their daughter grow to be strong, independent, caring, and giving. A mother's dream is to enjoy the fruits of her labor (no pun intended) …to know that her daughter is happy, confident, and kind to all. There are many detours and roadblocks along the way, but you can overcome them using these four building blocks to obtain and maintain a relationship with your daughter that will last a lifetime! Because of your efforts in developing this relationship now, not only will you enjoy a close unique friendship with your daughter, you will also pass on to her the wonderful gift of future strong relationships with her own children. Really, what can be more important and rewarding than that? Not much, it ranks right up there at the top!
Life is based on building blocks. Relationships, too, are based on the same. Given the tools, you can build yours strong…strong to last the bumps in the road and the trials of life. A strong foundation provides the anchors to weather any storm. It's never too late to begin. With each new day comes renewal, forgiveness, and a positive step towards building once again.
BLOCK #1…TRUST. Without trust, any relationship doesn't stand a chance! Trust often is confused as a "given". A God given right! As a loving mother, your daughter has grown to trust YOU. She knows you will pick her up when you say you will. She knows that she is cared for and provided for by YOU. Your daughter also knows your love is unconditional and that regardless of her doings, you'll be there. She might get yelled at, but she TRUSTS you above all. Realize that YOU have earned her trust through word, credibility, and actions.
How about her perception of earning trust? Each young lady must understand that TRUST is earned. The same way YOU earned her trust in YOU! Ask yourself: Why is it that sometimes we feel the need to accredit our children with attributes that should be earned? Our daughters need to understand that trust is patient. The small steps/small rewards process is a journey to gaining their independence. They need to take responsibility for earning the trust, and guarding it dearly, as one of the most valuable aspects of your shared relationship. When you, as her mother, make this important, it becomes important.
There are five steps to establishing trust between a mother and a daughter. Each important and well guarded. They include: HONESTY; AWARENESS; FOLLOW UP; CONSEQUENCE; and finally, PRIVILEGE. Knowing each of them and how to apply these steps to a working relationship is key in maintaining a loving relationship.
BLOCK #2…COMMUNICATION. Funny when our children are born, we seem so in tuned to their needs. We know the difference between a hungry cry and a mad cry. We can sense the slight mood change and worry for hours that there is a cold coming on. As our little girls grow, we teach them to talk. We repeat sounds and clap for joy when they say "ball" and "Mama". We are elated to know that our little girls are on their way. We pay close attention to all of their needs and kiss them softly and quietly goodnight.
Just because we teach language, an ensemble of "sounds" does not mean we teach communication. Communication as defined by Webster is: an act of transmitting OR an exchange of information or opinions. Think about this, "an act of transmitting" which can mean giving orders, commands, and/or instructions. This of course is necessary at times. It means we mean what we say – and do it! No questions, no discussion. This form of communication is certainly acceptable and appropriate at times. Taking the other side of the definition, "an exchange of information" we understand this to be a form of exploring another's opinion, thoughts, and logic. This too is very important. As a matter of fact, this is the foundation of effective communication involving two people.
When does it start? As our girls learn their words at the age of 2, they also begin to learn communication skills. These skills are mostly taught by our physical reactions and not our verbal capabilities.
Physical reactions involve the delivery of our words, the tone of our voices, and the actions of our body. It is not about getting through – it's about logical reasoning and openness to understanding another human being. Since your daughter has already achieved a level of trust in you, she will embrace your skills of communication if delivered in a manner that support her best interests without threatening her own desires. YOU, as the parent, are in control at all times. YOU just need the tools to help educate your daughter on the ways of the world. With these tools and exercises, you are able to begin to lay the strong foundation of open-minded, free exchange of information without losing your position of authority. Remember communication can be a "two way street" or a single command. Your choice, your control.
BLOCK #3…EFFECTIVE LISTENING. Now that we have defined communication, I urge you…don't spend too much time talking. Teach by actions as well! How? It's easy…(once you understand how). Spend a lot of time listening!!! Effective listening provides an avenue showing insight into your daughter's life. There is so much you can learn by listening and observing. Listening not only involves what your daughter says, it involves what others say too. This includes her friends, teachers, enemies and anyone she has contact with. I'm not suggesting you spy or have "reports back". Just listen – you'll learn more than you can imagine. Listening is a skill. Creating environments of opportunity is what you want to do. For example…Car pools are painful to be sure, but when you pick up a bunch of her friends, keep the music to a soft level - don't talk – just listen! The girls will be open with their chatter and you'll be able to interpret not only the quality of her friendships, but the collective views of the group. This can be very valuable in future conversations you may have with your daughter. It's also a great way to get to know her friends! Subtle suggestions from your side will have a better impact if you are more informed...remember what you learned regarding communication…Since your daughter has already achieved a level of trust in you, she will embrace your skills of communication if delivered in a manner that support her best interests without threatening her own desires. YOU, as the parent, are in control at all times.
BLOCK #4…LETTING GO. Letting go is the ongoing process we all deal with. When, how, just enough, not too much. Knowing when to allow your daughter to find her way and knowing when to hold her hand and guide her. There will be times when your heart breaks for her, when you want to take her pain, her place, her path – but the same lessons we've learned, so too shall they. We realize we can't (and should not) always shield her from everything. If you think about it, looking back on our own life – some of the most painful situations taught us the most powerful life lessons. Whether that was empathy and compassion for others, or our ability to forgive and move on; whatever crisis we face we have a choice – We can choose to be "bitter or better". It's a choice. In being there for your daughter, while letting go you provide the strength she'll need to stand on her own. Through pain we grow and through growth we become whole. Sometimes there are no words, sometimes silence and solidarity speak louder than any great speech. If you have built upon the three previous blocks, letting go will be a natural process of love. There is no fear where love dwells. Your goal is accomplished – you have the strong foundation for a lifelong, healthy relationship with your daughter.
Being there involves just that…being there as a friend, a parent, a role model, a mother. Learning today how to build and enjoy a mother/daughter relationship is the best gift you will ever give to both yourself and your daughter. This is a gift that can be passed down from generation to generation, building stronger and deeper each time.
Learning about enriching your relationship with your daughter is one of the most valuable educations you will ever do for yourself. The building blocks can show you the way. From beautiful baby girl in your arms, through the turbulent teens, the age of independence and self discovery, to watching her gain total confident independence. Your reward is knowing that your job of parenting has now become your fruit of friendship.
So, with only the best of intentions, moms and daughters travel their journeys through life. It is every mother's hope that their daughter grow to be strong, independent, caring, and giving. A mother's dream is to enjoy the fruits of her labor (no pun intended) …to know that her daughter is happy, confident, and kind to all. There are many detours and roadblocks along the way, but you can overcome them using these four building blocks to obtain and maintain a relationship with your daughter that will last a lifetime! Because of your efforts in developing this relationship now, not only will you enjoy a close unique friendship with your daughter, you will also pass on to her the wonderful gift of future strong relationships with her own children. Really, what can be more important and rewarding than that? Not much, it ranks right up there at the top!
Life is based on building blocks. Relationships, too, are based on the same. Given the tools, you can build yours strong…strong to last the bumps in the road and the trials of life. A strong foundation provides the anchors to weather any storm. It's never too late to begin. With each new day comes renewal, forgiveness, and a positive step towards building once again.
BLOCK #1…TRUST. Without trust, any relationship doesn't stand a chance! Trust often is confused as a "given". A God given right! As a loving mother, your daughter has grown to trust YOU. She knows you will pick her up when you say you will. She knows that she is cared for and provided for by YOU. Your daughter also knows your love is unconditional and that regardless of her doings, you'll be there. She might get yelled at, but she TRUSTS you above all. Realize that YOU have earned her trust through word, credibility, and actions.
How about her perception of earning trust? Each young lady must understand that TRUST is earned. The same way YOU earned her trust in YOU! Ask yourself: Why is it that sometimes we feel the need to accredit our children with attributes that should be earned? Our daughters need to understand that trust is patient. The small steps/small rewards process is a journey to gaining their independence. They need to take responsibility for earning the trust, and guarding it dearly, as one of the most valuable aspects of your shared relationship. When you, as her mother, make this important, it becomes important.
There are five steps to establishing trust between a mother and a daughter. Each important and well guarded. They include: HONESTY; AWARENESS; FOLLOW UP; CONSEQUENCE; and finally, PRIVILEGE. Knowing each of them and how to apply these steps to a working relationship is key in maintaining a loving relationship.
BLOCK #2…COMMUNICATION. Funny when our children are born, we seem so in tuned to their needs. We know the difference between a hungry cry and a mad cry. We can sense the slight mood change and worry for hours that there is a cold coming on. As our little girls grow, we teach them to talk. We repeat sounds and clap for joy when they say "ball" and "Mama". We are elated to know that our little girls are on their way. We pay close attention to all of their needs and kiss them softly and quietly goodnight.
Just because we teach language, an ensemble of "sounds" does not mean we teach communication. Communication as defined by Webster is: an act of transmitting OR an exchange of information or opinions. Think about this, "an act of transmitting" which can mean giving orders, commands, and/or instructions. This of course is necessary at times. It means we mean what we say – and do it! No questions, no discussion. This form of communication is certainly acceptable and appropriate at times. Taking the other side of the definition, "an exchange of information" we understand this to be a form of exploring another's opinion, thoughts, and logic. This too is very important. As a matter of fact, this is the foundation of effective communication involving two people.
When does it start? As our girls learn their words at the age of 2, they also begin to learn communication skills. These skills are mostly taught by our physical reactions and not our verbal capabilities.
Physical reactions involve the delivery of our words, the tone of our voices, and the actions of our body. It is not about getting through – it's about logical reasoning and openness to understanding another human being. Since your daughter has already achieved a level of trust in you, she will embrace your skills of communication if delivered in a manner that support her best interests without threatening her own desires. YOU, as the parent, are in control at all times. YOU just need the tools to help educate your daughter on the ways of the world. With these tools and exercises, you are able to begin to lay the strong foundation of open-minded, free exchange of information without losing your position of authority. Remember communication can be a "two way street" or a single command. Your choice, your control.
BLOCK #3…EFFECTIVE LISTENING. Now that we have defined communication, I urge you…don't spend too much time talking. Teach by actions as well! How? It's easy…(once you understand how). Spend a lot of time listening!!! Effective listening provides an avenue showing insight into your daughter's life. There is so much you can learn by listening and observing. Listening not only involves what your daughter says, it involves what others say too. This includes her friends, teachers, enemies and anyone she has contact with. I'm not suggesting you spy or have "reports back". Just listen – you'll learn more than you can imagine. Listening is a skill. Creating environments of opportunity is what you want to do. For example…Car pools are painful to be sure, but when you pick up a bunch of her friends, keep the music to a soft level - don't talk – just listen! The girls will be open with their chatter and you'll be able to interpret not only the quality of her friendships, but the collective views of the group. This can be very valuable in future conversations you may have with your daughter. It's also a great way to get to know her friends! Subtle suggestions from your side will have a better impact if you are more informed...remember what you learned regarding communication…Since your daughter has already achieved a level of trust in you, she will embrace your skills of communication if delivered in a manner that support her best interests without threatening her own desires. YOU, as the parent, are in control at all times.
BLOCK #4…LETTING GO. Letting go is the ongoing process we all deal with. When, how, just enough, not too much. Knowing when to allow your daughter to find her way and knowing when to hold her hand and guide her. There will be times when your heart breaks for her, when you want to take her pain, her place, her path – but the same lessons we've learned, so too shall they. We realize we can't (and should not) always shield her from everything. If you think about it, looking back on our own life – some of the most painful situations taught us the most powerful life lessons. Whether that was empathy and compassion for others, or our ability to forgive and move on; whatever crisis we face we have a choice – We can choose to be "bitter or better". It's a choice. In being there for your daughter, while letting go you provide the strength she'll need to stand on her own. Through pain we grow and through growth we become whole. Sometimes there are no words, sometimes silence and solidarity speak louder than any great speech. If you have built upon the three previous blocks, letting go will be a natural process of love. There is no fear where love dwells. Your goal is accomplished – you have the strong foundation for a lifelong, healthy relationship with your daughter.
Being there involves just that…being there as a friend, a parent, a role model, a mother. Learning today how to build and enjoy a mother/daughter relationship is the best gift you will ever give to both yourself and your daughter. This is a gift that can be passed down from generation to generation, building stronger and deeper each time.
Learning about enriching your relationship with your daughter is one of the most valuable educations you will ever do for yourself. The building blocks can show you the way. From beautiful baby girl in your arms, through the turbulent teens, the age of independence and self discovery, to watching her gain total confident independence. Your reward is knowing that your job of parenting has now become your fruit of friendship.
The Six Essentials To Child Birth
Child birth is one of the most natural events in a women's life yet it
strikes fear in many of our hearts and voices. There is so much
knowledge on child birth and child care how do we know we are doing the
right thing. The countless books, and advice can make any women's head
swirl, and it is important for the mom - to - be to remember is isn't as
complicated as it sounds.
It's simple - child birth is a natural and beautiful gift given to women in order to conceive precious lives full of wonder. It is a wondrous event which should be cherished and remembered. Once your baby is born you will look into her eyes with fond delight, and see a new beginning for your life, and family.
In order to prepare for that future you should ask yourself if you are ready for your first child birth experience. The room is ready, the clothes are bought, and the toys are well stocked right up until she turns the age of three. Your due date is getting closer, your back is getting sorer, and you can feel the baby kicking more, and you are counting the fingers on your hand until your delight is born.
The only internal fear you maybe facing is the actual child birth itself, and there are several ways to prepare yourself for the unknown. Before giving birth ensure you pack a hospital bag ahead of schedule; including your basic necessities. But, also don't forget the luxuries which will make your birth more enlightening, and comfortable. Here are six essential items which will make your child birth painless:
Make sure you pack a comfortable night gown to ensue optimum freedom for you to move and get comfortable during your labor.
Soothing music will take your focus away from the pain.
Massage oil is a wonderful tool in assisting in alleviating the pain and will make your partner play an important role during the birthing hours.
A harlequin romance novel nothing a little bit more savory to keep your mind concentrated on anything but child birth.
Last but not least snacks, lots of good snacks to help you and your partner get through the longs hours of labor.
Champagne it will be time to celebrate once the new bundle of joy arrives and what's better than a great toast with lots of bubbly.
A few but needful necessities will help create a better atmosphere your birthing room, making you feel at ease, as you bring in a new breath of life into your world. It is an exciting time, and should be one filled with rest, comfort, and joy – on the arrival day make sure you look into your babies precious eyes and savor every minute of life.
"Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of our greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well." This is powerful advice from Mother Teresa and is relevant to anyone who is to have their first baby.
It's simple - child birth is a natural and beautiful gift given to women in order to conceive precious lives full of wonder. It is a wondrous event which should be cherished and remembered. Once your baby is born you will look into her eyes with fond delight, and see a new beginning for your life, and family.
In order to prepare for that future you should ask yourself if you are ready for your first child birth experience. The room is ready, the clothes are bought, and the toys are well stocked right up until she turns the age of three. Your due date is getting closer, your back is getting sorer, and you can feel the baby kicking more, and you are counting the fingers on your hand until your delight is born.
The only internal fear you maybe facing is the actual child birth itself, and there are several ways to prepare yourself for the unknown. Before giving birth ensure you pack a hospital bag ahead of schedule; including your basic necessities. But, also don't forget the luxuries which will make your birth more enlightening, and comfortable. Here are six essential items which will make your child birth painless:
Make sure you pack a comfortable night gown to ensue optimum freedom for you to move and get comfortable during your labor.
Soothing music will take your focus away from the pain.
Massage oil is a wonderful tool in assisting in alleviating the pain and will make your partner play an important role during the birthing hours.
A harlequin romance novel nothing a little bit more savory to keep your mind concentrated on anything but child birth.
Last but not least snacks, lots of good snacks to help you and your partner get through the longs hours of labor.
Champagne it will be time to celebrate once the new bundle of joy arrives and what's better than a great toast with lots of bubbly.
A few but needful necessities will help create a better atmosphere your birthing room, making you feel at ease, as you bring in a new breath of life into your world. It is an exciting time, and should be one filled with rest, comfort, and joy – on the arrival day make sure you look into your babies precious eyes and savor every minute of life.
"Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of our greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well." This is powerful advice from Mother Teresa and is relevant to anyone who is to have their first baby.
Conflict Resolution for Pre-Schoolers
When I began teaching straight out of college, I had much experience
with children, but my degree was in political science. People used to
ask me how my BA was useful in teaching nursery school, to which I often
replied, "I do a lot of conflict resolution." Since then I've received
my Masters degree in Education, and my Political Science degree has
been relegated to education for education's sake, but conflict
resolution remains a huge chunk of my professional life. Children have
conflicts, and one of the important tasks of childhood is learning how
to manage conflict successfully.
Ideally, education in conflict resolution begins at pre-school age or even earlier. With appropriate help from parents, even pre-verbal children can benefit. In order for conflict resolution education to work with children this young, it needs to be offered within an authentic context. Information that is relevant and meaningful is always learned more easily and understood more deeply. For young children who are not yet thinking abstractly this cannot be overstated. That is why conflict resolution programs that emphasize rehearsal of various strategies of deescalating conflict can be useful for older children but would not be appropriate in a pre-school setting. Thankfully, real life provides no shortage of opportunities within which to practice strategies for handling conflict.
What are the conflicts that young children face? One of the most common disputes among toddlers is over a mutually desired toy. This may be a toy that legitimately belongs to one child and not to the other, or it may be a toy that is held in common, belonging to the whole family or group. The best parents have lofty goals for their children, wanting them to grow up to be kind and generous human beings. This legitimate aspiration often leads parents to strongly encourage or even force their children to share their toys with others. What many fail to recognize is that kindness and generosity necessarily come from a place of security. Not many of us find it satisfying to give to someone who has just tried to steal something of ours, particularly something to which we attach great value. Yet that is exactly what we expect from our children. Rather than being our child's ally and protector, we so often side with the child who they experience as the aggressor. We fear being perceived as selfish or greedy and strive to make our children act generously. Our response to the conflict has the undesired effect of making our child hold their toy ever tighter. In fact, they are no longer even playing with the toy, but simply holding it to make certain that no one takes it away. Where they should be losing themselves in play, they are now hyper-vigilant to the ever present threat of their toys being grabbed. Instead of being the friendly welcoming children their parents would be proud of, they loudly proclaim their ownership of the object in question when another child approaches. Unfortunately, this defensive posture becomes necessary when there is no one to defend their rights. These conflicts are often punctuated by bursts of crying, screaming, and grabbing.
Let us deal first with the situation of two children fighting over a toy that belongs equally to both children. How can we respond in a way that will bring out the kind, generous, loving potential in every child? By first respecting a child's need to have exclusive use of a toy until she has achieved a sense of completion. When your child is given the freedom to use a toy until they feel ready to move on to something else, then they can loosen their grip on the toy in question.
So, how can we help to resolve the conflict without forcing the children to share? There are a few simple strategies that when practiced over time, and paired with a true respect for both children's needs, help young children learn to resolve conflicts peacefully. One of our jobs as parents and teachers is to give children the words that they need to use to successfully navigate the world. One helpful phrase for children to learn is, "Can I have that when you're finished?" This phrase allows the child to get their needs met in a direct, yet non-confrontational manner. They are stating their needs while simultaneously reassuring the other child that they will wait until they are finished, and will not grab. In many cases, this simple turn of phrase is all that is necessary to transform what would have been a crying, grabbing, screaming match, into a successful dialogue. Often the child will quickly finish up with the toy and hand it over. If your child is used to having her toys grabbed, or being forced to give them up, she may need some additional reassurance from a parent that she will be able to use the toy until she is finished. At the point when it is clear that she is finished with the toy, it is beneficial to encourage her to actually hand it over to the child who is waiting. This way, she is actively giving the toy rather than passively allowing it to be given. This ensures that she will not feel that the toy has been taken from her before she was ready to let go. Handing over the toy also develops a sense of empathy. She understands that something she does has an effect on how another person feels, and that she has the power to make another person happy. Empathy cannot be taught to the young child during a conflict. Developmentally, they can only respond to another person's needs when those needs are not in conflict with their own. It is important to encourage moments of empathy that are appropriate to the child's stage of development. Having them hand over the toy when they feel ready, allows them to exercise generosity in a way that feels safe to them.
In the case of the pre-verbal child, parents can ask the question in a way that involves the child. For instance, "You want that toy, but Tim is playing with it now. Let's ask him if you can have it when he's finished." "Tim, can you give Jane that truck when you're finished with it?" As the child begins speaking, she will have already integrated the concept. She may start by simply saying "finished?" A nearby parent can intercede in case the request is not understood.
Children can also be taught to say, "You can have it when I'm finished," if someone is grabbing or demanding their toy. This serves as a way to protect their rights, while simultaneously deescalating the conflict by letting the child know that they will have a turn, just not quite yet.
In the case of one child coveting a toy that actually belongs to another, I invite parents to think about your own possessions. You may cheerfully write out checks to various charities that respectfully ask for your money to do good works that you value. At the same time, you may be loath to give your money to someone who demands it, regardless of how needy they may be. Who wouldn't feel violated if while riding the subway we came across someone who wanted our jewelry, pocket book, or even newspaper, and simply took it? Children can often be persuaded to give something of theirs so long as their rights are respected. Most children are able to give if they are asked first, and if their experience shows them that it is safe to trust that their toys will be returned.
It is important for children to have something that belongs only to them. This could be a beloved stuffed animal or blankie, or something else that they regard as special. Other children in the family can learn to respect that a particular toy is their brother or sister's special toy, and is not to be touched without permission. Toddlers can certainly be trusted to figure out the word "mine !" and are well within their rights to use it. Parents can help children ask to join a game, and can help older siblings figure out a role for their younger sister or brother in their game. Eventually this type of problem solving becomes second nature to children, but not without an adult first investing a lot of time. Children should not be forced to play with a sibling. This will cause resentment rather than effective problem solving
One special case that needs mention is the play date. Play dates are unique because all or most of the toys are likely to belong to only one child. No parent wants to invite another child to their house and have to tell them that they cannot play with any of the toys. At the same time, you do not want to throw all your principles out the window and try to force your child to share when they are not ready. It is important to prepare one's child for a play date before the fact. Parents can ask children either to choose some toys that are special, to put away for personal use later, or to choose several toys they are willing to allow their friend to use. Parents may also want to bring along a choice game or two when going to play dates at other children's homes.
Conflict is something that many adults shy away from. Watching our children engage in conflict head on can be scary. Young children however, have a special opportunity to learn to resolve conflicts without severing relationships. Children, who live so much in the present moment, do not tend to hold grudges for long. We should grab this opportunity to help our children grow before the stakes start to feel too high. Learning to manage conflict in an assertive yet non-confrontational manner now, will serve them well throughout their lives. Respecting their rights now also frees them to engage wholeheartedly in play.
Ideally, education in conflict resolution begins at pre-school age or even earlier. With appropriate help from parents, even pre-verbal children can benefit. In order for conflict resolution education to work with children this young, it needs to be offered within an authentic context. Information that is relevant and meaningful is always learned more easily and understood more deeply. For young children who are not yet thinking abstractly this cannot be overstated. That is why conflict resolution programs that emphasize rehearsal of various strategies of deescalating conflict can be useful for older children but would not be appropriate in a pre-school setting. Thankfully, real life provides no shortage of opportunities within which to practice strategies for handling conflict.
What are the conflicts that young children face? One of the most common disputes among toddlers is over a mutually desired toy. This may be a toy that legitimately belongs to one child and not to the other, or it may be a toy that is held in common, belonging to the whole family or group. The best parents have lofty goals for their children, wanting them to grow up to be kind and generous human beings. This legitimate aspiration often leads parents to strongly encourage or even force their children to share their toys with others. What many fail to recognize is that kindness and generosity necessarily come from a place of security. Not many of us find it satisfying to give to someone who has just tried to steal something of ours, particularly something to which we attach great value. Yet that is exactly what we expect from our children. Rather than being our child's ally and protector, we so often side with the child who they experience as the aggressor. We fear being perceived as selfish or greedy and strive to make our children act generously. Our response to the conflict has the undesired effect of making our child hold their toy ever tighter. In fact, they are no longer even playing with the toy, but simply holding it to make certain that no one takes it away. Where they should be losing themselves in play, they are now hyper-vigilant to the ever present threat of their toys being grabbed. Instead of being the friendly welcoming children their parents would be proud of, they loudly proclaim their ownership of the object in question when another child approaches. Unfortunately, this defensive posture becomes necessary when there is no one to defend their rights. These conflicts are often punctuated by bursts of crying, screaming, and grabbing.
Let us deal first with the situation of two children fighting over a toy that belongs equally to both children. How can we respond in a way that will bring out the kind, generous, loving potential in every child? By first respecting a child's need to have exclusive use of a toy until she has achieved a sense of completion. When your child is given the freedom to use a toy until they feel ready to move on to something else, then they can loosen their grip on the toy in question.
So, how can we help to resolve the conflict without forcing the children to share? There are a few simple strategies that when practiced over time, and paired with a true respect for both children's needs, help young children learn to resolve conflicts peacefully. One of our jobs as parents and teachers is to give children the words that they need to use to successfully navigate the world. One helpful phrase for children to learn is, "Can I have that when you're finished?" This phrase allows the child to get their needs met in a direct, yet non-confrontational manner. They are stating their needs while simultaneously reassuring the other child that they will wait until they are finished, and will not grab. In many cases, this simple turn of phrase is all that is necessary to transform what would have been a crying, grabbing, screaming match, into a successful dialogue. Often the child will quickly finish up with the toy and hand it over. If your child is used to having her toys grabbed, or being forced to give them up, she may need some additional reassurance from a parent that she will be able to use the toy until she is finished. At the point when it is clear that she is finished with the toy, it is beneficial to encourage her to actually hand it over to the child who is waiting. This way, she is actively giving the toy rather than passively allowing it to be given. This ensures that she will not feel that the toy has been taken from her before she was ready to let go. Handing over the toy also develops a sense of empathy. She understands that something she does has an effect on how another person feels, and that she has the power to make another person happy. Empathy cannot be taught to the young child during a conflict. Developmentally, they can only respond to another person's needs when those needs are not in conflict with their own. It is important to encourage moments of empathy that are appropriate to the child's stage of development. Having them hand over the toy when they feel ready, allows them to exercise generosity in a way that feels safe to them.
In the case of the pre-verbal child, parents can ask the question in a way that involves the child. For instance, "You want that toy, but Tim is playing with it now. Let's ask him if you can have it when he's finished." "Tim, can you give Jane that truck when you're finished with it?" As the child begins speaking, she will have already integrated the concept. She may start by simply saying "finished?" A nearby parent can intercede in case the request is not understood.
Children can also be taught to say, "You can have it when I'm finished," if someone is grabbing or demanding their toy. This serves as a way to protect their rights, while simultaneously deescalating the conflict by letting the child know that they will have a turn, just not quite yet.
In the case of one child coveting a toy that actually belongs to another, I invite parents to think about your own possessions. You may cheerfully write out checks to various charities that respectfully ask for your money to do good works that you value. At the same time, you may be loath to give your money to someone who demands it, regardless of how needy they may be. Who wouldn't feel violated if while riding the subway we came across someone who wanted our jewelry, pocket book, or even newspaper, and simply took it? Children can often be persuaded to give something of theirs so long as their rights are respected. Most children are able to give if they are asked first, and if their experience shows them that it is safe to trust that their toys will be returned.
It is important for children to have something that belongs only to them. This could be a beloved stuffed animal or blankie, or something else that they regard as special. Other children in the family can learn to respect that a particular toy is their brother or sister's special toy, and is not to be touched without permission. Toddlers can certainly be trusted to figure out the word "mine !" and are well within their rights to use it. Parents can help children ask to join a game, and can help older siblings figure out a role for their younger sister or brother in their game. Eventually this type of problem solving becomes second nature to children, but not without an adult first investing a lot of time. Children should not be forced to play with a sibling. This will cause resentment rather than effective problem solving
One special case that needs mention is the play date. Play dates are unique because all or most of the toys are likely to belong to only one child. No parent wants to invite another child to their house and have to tell them that they cannot play with any of the toys. At the same time, you do not want to throw all your principles out the window and try to force your child to share when they are not ready. It is important to prepare one's child for a play date before the fact. Parents can ask children either to choose some toys that are special, to put away for personal use later, or to choose several toys they are willing to allow their friend to use. Parents may also want to bring along a choice game or two when going to play dates at other children's homes.
Conflict is something that many adults shy away from. Watching our children engage in conflict head on can be scary. Young children however, have a special opportunity to learn to resolve conflicts without severing relationships. Children, who live so much in the present moment, do not tend to hold grudges for long. We should grab this opportunity to help our children grow before the stakes start to feel too high. Learning to manage conflict in an assertive yet non-confrontational manner now, will serve them well throughout their lives. Respecting their rights now also frees them to engage wholeheartedly in play.
Home Improvements - Expressing an Attitude
There are many issues to address when doing major home improvements. The
overall atmosphere and attitude of the improvements can be a key issue.
Degree of Formality
Certain things tend to go with each other. Silk, silver, crystal, brass, china, oil paintings in gilt frames, and draperies to the floor have an affinity for each other for example. Leather, built-in bookcases, old books, paneled rooms, coffered ceilings, and dark wood are another group of things that go well together. A third such group might be heavy linen, polished cotton, glass and metal tables, woven baskets, and wicker. There are the usual exceptions, but things that go together tend to have about the same degree of formality. Their color and texture are important, too.
Light vs. Dark
Most people are happiest living in rooms that are bright and sunny in the daytime and are softly lit without glare or sharp contrasts in light at night. In most rooms, lamps and indirect lighting is the way to go. Window treatments that leave most of the glass in windows uncovered when they are open during the day are good for letting sunshine and pleasant views in and give your home a cheerful feeling.
How much sun a room gets needs to be taken into account when choosing paint. If a room gets a lot of sun, and you like the look, a dark color will probably work. If the room is on the north of your home and has few windows, you might be happier with a light tint of the color you like.
Small vs. Large
Small rooms can be a challenge. Window treatments, which control light and privacy without taking up a lot of space in the room, make sense in small rooms. Fitted interior shutters, shades, and café curtains tend to work well. Save voluminous fabric, elaborate swags, and draperies that "puddle" on the floor for large rooms with high ceilings. Furniture needs to be scaled to the size of the room, too, although one occasionally sees a small room with a few large pieces of furniture, which look dramatically good and serve the intended function well.
Summary
The biggest key is to know what you want before you start. Get that answer straight in your mind and you can't go wrong.
Degree of Formality
Certain things tend to go with each other. Silk, silver, crystal, brass, china, oil paintings in gilt frames, and draperies to the floor have an affinity for each other for example. Leather, built-in bookcases, old books, paneled rooms, coffered ceilings, and dark wood are another group of things that go well together. A third such group might be heavy linen, polished cotton, glass and metal tables, woven baskets, and wicker. There are the usual exceptions, but things that go together tend to have about the same degree of formality. Their color and texture are important, too.
Light vs. Dark
Most people are happiest living in rooms that are bright and sunny in the daytime and are softly lit without glare or sharp contrasts in light at night. In most rooms, lamps and indirect lighting is the way to go. Window treatments that leave most of the glass in windows uncovered when they are open during the day are good for letting sunshine and pleasant views in and give your home a cheerful feeling.
How much sun a room gets needs to be taken into account when choosing paint. If a room gets a lot of sun, and you like the look, a dark color will probably work. If the room is on the north of your home and has few windows, you might be happier with a light tint of the color you like.
Small vs. Large
Small rooms can be a challenge. Window treatments, which control light and privacy without taking up a lot of space in the room, make sense in small rooms. Fitted interior shutters, shades, and café curtains tend to work well. Save voluminous fabric, elaborate swags, and draperies that "puddle" on the floor for large rooms with high ceilings. Furniture needs to be scaled to the size of the room, too, although one occasionally sees a small room with a few large pieces of furniture, which look dramatically good and serve the intended function well.
Summary
The biggest key is to know what you want before you start. Get that answer straight in your mind and you can't go wrong.
When Grandparents Raise Grandchildren
With the first of the Baby Boomers turning 60 this year, the nation is
beginning to see the effects of its aging population-and with the
average life expectancy extending to nearly 78, those approaching
retirement must plan ahead financially, emotionally and physically.
However, for some people, that planning includes taking on a
responsibility they thought was behind them: parenthood.
According to a 2002 U.S. Census Bureau report, 5.7 million grandparents in the U.S. are living in households with their grandchildren-and more than 2.5 million grandparents are the sole guardians of the children. The bureau estimates that the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren has increased 30 percent from 1990 to 2000.
Such was the case for the Py family. Tragedy struck them twice-once when their son-in-law died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and then 14 months later when their daughter lost her battle with breast cancer. The Pys' grandchildren were orphaned in a matter of months and they turned to grandma and grandpa.
Many grandparents in the Pys' position turn to Mooseheart Child City and School, a nonprofit residential child care facility and school for children and teens in need, as an alternative to state foster care.
"Families-many of whom are grandparents-work with us because we provide a nurturing home and a solid education," explains Scott Hart, the non-profit's administrator. "It's a difficult decision. But students thrive in our community because we encourage them to reach their fullest potential," he says.
Mooseheart is funded through monies raised by the 1.3 million members of the Moose organization, and it accepts applications from all families with children in need. Hart says the children living in the Mooseheart community learn that from hardships come triumphs. It's a lesson the Py family learned as well.
After enduring their tragedy, their home was eventually renovated by ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Their new home now includes a private "Moose" office, as the entire family is highly involved as volunteers of the Moose.
"Our society's grandparents are increasingly faced with the necessity of raising their grandchildren. They need to understand that they're not in this alone," encourages Hart.
According to a 2002 U.S. Census Bureau report, 5.7 million grandparents in the U.S. are living in households with their grandchildren-and more than 2.5 million grandparents are the sole guardians of the children. The bureau estimates that the number of grandparents raising their grandchildren has increased 30 percent from 1990 to 2000.
Such was the case for the Py family. Tragedy struck them twice-once when their son-in-law died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and then 14 months later when their daughter lost her battle with breast cancer. The Pys' grandchildren were orphaned in a matter of months and they turned to grandma and grandpa.
Many grandparents in the Pys' position turn to Mooseheart Child City and School, a nonprofit residential child care facility and school for children and teens in need, as an alternative to state foster care.
"Families-many of whom are grandparents-work with us because we provide a nurturing home and a solid education," explains Scott Hart, the non-profit's administrator. "It's a difficult decision. But students thrive in our community because we encourage them to reach their fullest potential," he says.
Mooseheart is funded through monies raised by the 1.3 million members of the Moose organization, and it accepts applications from all families with children in need. Hart says the children living in the Mooseheart community learn that from hardships come triumphs. It's a lesson the Py family learned as well.
After enduring their tragedy, their home was eventually renovated by ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Their new home now includes a private "Moose" office, as the entire family is highly involved as volunteers of the Moose.
"Our society's grandparents are increasingly faced with the necessity of raising their grandchildren. They need to understand that they're not in this alone," encourages Hart.
School Safety: What Parents Can Do to Help
While your child's school may have been spared from any
headline-catching, violent incidents, chances are that less dramatic
acts of hostility, such as bullying and harassment, occur there every
day.
Most schools have programs to prevent violence and help keep students safe. But safety precautions shouldn't stop there. As a parent, you also can take specific actions to improve school safety.
To raise awareness of school safety and security issues, the National Crime Prevention Council, best known for its 25-year-old beloved icon, McGruff the Crime Dog, developed the Be Safe and Sound initiative in collaboration with National PTA. This effort, funded by the Allstate Foundation, Assa Abloy Group and the Security Industry Association, provides advice that parents, community members and educators can use to help make school a pleasant environment for all children.
The National Crime Prevention Council provides the following tips for parents.
* Listen and talk to your child regularly. Communicating with your child on a number of topics related to school, friends and his or her interests can give you valuable insight. Talk to your child about violence and how to solve problems.
* Set an example. Show your child that you can settle conflicts peacefully and nonviolently. Also, show your support for school policies and rules. If your child feels a rule is wrong, explain how the rule can increase school safety.
* Work with others. Join a parent, school or neighborhood association to discuss problems with violence in the community. Work together to find solutions and ways you can provide support to the schools in your community.
The National Crime Prevention Council provides tools for parents as part of its Be Safe and Sound initiative. The "Caregivers' Guide to Safety and Security," for example, outlines what parents can do to improve school safety and security. It contains an overview of school safety and security guidelines, an assessment checklist and advice and tips on advocating for change at their children's schools.
Most schools have programs to prevent violence and help keep students safe. But safety precautions shouldn't stop there. As a parent, you also can take specific actions to improve school safety.
To raise awareness of school safety and security issues, the National Crime Prevention Council, best known for its 25-year-old beloved icon, McGruff the Crime Dog, developed the Be Safe and Sound initiative in collaboration with National PTA. This effort, funded by the Allstate Foundation, Assa Abloy Group and the Security Industry Association, provides advice that parents, community members and educators can use to help make school a pleasant environment for all children.
The National Crime Prevention Council provides the following tips for parents.
* Listen and talk to your child regularly. Communicating with your child on a number of topics related to school, friends and his or her interests can give you valuable insight. Talk to your child about violence and how to solve problems.
* Set an example. Show your child that you can settle conflicts peacefully and nonviolently. Also, show your support for school policies and rules. If your child feels a rule is wrong, explain how the rule can increase school safety.
* Work with others. Join a parent, school or neighborhood association to discuss problems with violence in the community. Work together to find solutions and ways you can provide support to the schools in your community.
The National Crime Prevention Council provides tools for parents as part of its Be Safe and Sound initiative. The "Caregivers' Guide to Safety and Security," for example, outlines what parents can do to improve school safety and security. It contains an overview of school safety and security guidelines, an assessment checklist and advice and tips on advocating for change at their children's schools.
Friday, November 11, 2011
The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
Most of us really don't like it when someone is angry at us. We don't
like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help,
instead of caring about us. We don't like it when people withdraw from
us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don't like it when
people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to say
no. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid the soul loneliness and
pain we feel when people treat us in angry, resistant, demanding and
uncaring ways.
It takes great courage to stay loving to ourselves and others when faced with others' angry and closed behavior. It especially take courage when the people we are dealing with are our own children. Yet unless we have the courage to come up against our children's anger, resistance, and withdrawal, we will give ourselves up and not take care of ourselves to avoid their uncaring reactions. The more we deny our own truth and our own needs and feelings, the more our children will disrespect and discount us. Our children become a mirror of our own behavior, discounting us when we discount ourselves, disrespecting us when we disrespect ourselves. The more we give ourselves up to avoid our children's unloving behavior toward us, the more we become objectified as the all-giving and loving parent who doesn't need anything for ourselves. When we do this, we are role-modeling being a caretaker.
On the other hand, it is unloving to ourselves and our children to expect our children to take responsibility for our well-being. It is unloving to demand that our children give themselves up to prove their love for us and to pacify our fears. It is unloving to demand that they be the way we want them to be rather than who they are. It is unloving to set limits just to make us feel safe, rather than limits that support their health and safety. When we behave in this way, we are role-modeling being a taker.
The challenge of good parenting is to find the balanced between being there for our children and being there for ourselves, as well as the balance between freedom and responsibility - to be personally responsible to ourselves rather than be a taker or a caretaker.
Our decisions need to be based on what is in the highest good of our children as well as ourselves. If a child wants something that is not in our highest good to give, then it is not loving to give it. If we want something that is not in the highest good of our children, then it is not loving for us to expect it. It is loving to support our children's freedom to choose what they want and to be themselves, as long as it doesn't mean giving ourselves up. Children do not learn responsible behavior toward others when their parents discount their own needs and feelings to support what their children want. Our own freedom to choose what we want and to be ourselves needs to be just as important to us as our children's freedom and desires.
On the other hand, if we always put our needs before our children's, we are behaving in a self-centered, narcissistic way that limits our children's freedom. We are training our children to be caretakers, to give themselves up for other's needs and not consider their own.
The challenge of loving parenting is to role-model behavior that is personally responsible, rather than being a taker or caretaker. This is our best chance for bringing up personally responsible children. However, we need to remember that we can do everything "right" as a parent, but our children are on their own path, their own soul's journey. They will make their own choices to be loving or unloving, responsible or irresponsible. We can influence their choices, but we can't control them. They have free will, just as we do, to choose who they want to be each moment of their lives. All we can do is the very best we can to role-model loving, personally responsible behavior - behavior that supports our own and our children's highest good.
It takes great courage to stay loving to ourselves and others when faced with others' angry and closed behavior. It especially take courage when the people we are dealing with are our own children. Yet unless we have the courage to come up against our children's anger, resistance, and withdrawal, we will give ourselves up and not take care of ourselves to avoid their uncaring reactions. The more we deny our own truth and our own needs and feelings, the more our children will disrespect and discount us. Our children become a mirror of our own behavior, discounting us when we discount ourselves, disrespecting us when we disrespect ourselves. The more we give ourselves up to avoid our children's unloving behavior toward us, the more we become objectified as the all-giving and loving parent who doesn't need anything for ourselves. When we do this, we are role-modeling being a caretaker.
On the other hand, it is unloving to ourselves and our children to expect our children to take responsibility for our well-being. It is unloving to demand that our children give themselves up to prove their love for us and to pacify our fears. It is unloving to demand that they be the way we want them to be rather than who they are. It is unloving to set limits just to make us feel safe, rather than limits that support their health and safety. When we behave in this way, we are role-modeling being a taker.
The challenge of good parenting is to find the balanced between being there for our children and being there for ourselves, as well as the balance between freedom and responsibility - to be personally responsible to ourselves rather than be a taker or a caretaker.
Our decisions need to be based on what is in the highest good of our children as well as ourselves. If a child wants something that is not in our highest good to give, then it is not loving to give it. If we want something that is not in the highest good of our children, then it is not loving for us to expect it. It is loving to support our children's freedom to choose what they want and to be themselves, as long as it doesn't mean giving ourselves up. Children do not learn responsible behavior toward others when their parents discount their own needs and feelings to support what their children want. Our own freedom to choose what we want and to be ourselves needs to be just as important to us as our children's freedom and desires.
On the other hand, if we always put our needs before our children's, we are behaving in a self-centered, narcissistic way that limits our children's freedom. We are training our children to be caretakers, to give themselves up for other's needs and not consider their own.
The challenge of loving parenting is to role-model behavior that is personally responsible, rather than being a taker or caretaker. This is our best chance for bringing up personally responsible children. However, we need to remember that we can do everything "right" as a parent, but our children are on their own path, their own soul's journey. They will make their own choices to be loving or unloving, responsible or irresponsible. We can influence their choices, but we can't control them. They have free will, just as we do, to choose who they want to be each moment of their lives. All we can do is the very best we can to role-model loving, personally responsible behavior - behavior that supports our own and our children's highest good.
8 Simple Tips On Potty Training Your Child
Have you tried potty training your child and it just isn't going well?
Some children fight every potty training attempt you will make, while
other children are interested in potty training. You as a parent will be
able to tell when your child is ready to start potty training. Two or
three years of age is the average age for your child to start the potty
training process. Here are some simple methods to help make it easier on
both you and your child.
1. Start practicing using the toilet around the age of two. Go out and purchase a small potty chair or a potty seat that fits over the regular sized toilet. If you are potty training a boy make it has a shield in front so they do not make a mess. Bring the potty chair into the room that your child spends most of their time in on a day or weekend when you have some free time. Let your child run around in just a shirt with their diaper off. If this nudity bothers you then have your son or daughter wear underwear. If you have them in a diaper they will never get the idea that when they urinate it will run down their legs and make a mess.
2. Clear your schedule before starting to potty train your child. Pick a time when you know that you and your family's routine it least likely to be disturbed with vacations, guests, moving to a new house and so on. Long holiday weekends are a great time to start potty training your little one.
3. Decide what words you will use to describe body parts, urine and bowel movements. Try not to use words like "dirty", "stinky," or "naughty". Using these negative terms can make your child feel self-conscience and ashamed. Talk about urination and bowel movements in a simple, matter-of-fact way.
4. Use your child's favorite action figure or doll on a pretend potty, explaining "the baby is going pee in the potty." Put diapers on their favorite stuffed bear and then eventually graduate the bear to underwear.
5. Discuss with your child the advantages of being potty trained. Talk to them about not having diaper rashes anymore, not having to take time away from playing to have their diaper changed and the wonderful feeling of being clean and dry. Help them understand that potty training is an important stage of growing up.
6. Use books and videos to help your child understand the process of potty training and see other children learning to use the potty. There are lots of books and videos available online or in your local bookstore. Let your child look at their favorite book while sitting on the potty to help the minutes pass by.
7. Get out your calendar and declare a potty day. This is the day that your child would like to start potty training. Use a bright color and circle that date. Keep reminding them that "potty day" is almost here.
8. Does your son or daughter like to unroll the toliet paper? Try squashing the roll so that the cardboard roll inside is no longer round. This way, it will not unroll as quickly. Also, little ones who are potty training will not get too much paper per pull on the roll.
Usually it takes several practice sessions for a child to understand what they are supposed to be doing and be totally potty trained. Just remember to keep trying, your child will eventually understand and be successful.
1. Start practicing using the toilet around the age of two. Go out and purchase a small potty chair or a potty seat that fits over the regular sized toilet. If you are potty training a boy make it has a shield in front so they do not make a mess. Bring the potty chair into the room that your child spends most of their time in on a day or weekend when you have some free time. Let your child run around in just a shirt with their diaper off. If this nudity bothers you then have your son or daughter wear underwear. If you have them in a diaper they will never get the idea that when they urinate it will run down their legs and make a mess.
2. Clear your schedule before starting to potty train your child. Pick a time when you know that you and your family's routine it least likely to be disturbed with vacations, guests, moving to a new house and so on. Long holiday weekends are a great time to start potty training your little one.
3. Decide what words you will use to describe body parts, urine and bowel movements. Try not to use words like "dirty", "stinky," or "naughty". Using these negative terms can make your child feel self-conscience and ashamed. Talk about urination and bowel movements in a simple, matter-of-fact way.
4. Use your child's favorite action figure or doll on a pretend potty, explaining "the baby is going pee in the potty." Put diapers on their favorite stuffed bear and then eventually graduate the bear to underwear.
5. Discuss with your child the advantages of being potty trained. Talk to them about not having diaper rashes anymore, not having to take time away from playing to have their diaper changed and the wonderful feeling of being clean and dry. Help them understand that potty training is an important stage of growing up.
6. Use books and videos to help your child understand the process of potty training and see other children learning to use the potty. There are lots of books and videos available online or in your local bookstore. Let your child look at their favorite book while sitting on the potty to help the minutes pass by.
7. Get out your calendar and declare a potty day. This is the day that your child would like to start potty training. Use a bright color and circle that date. Keep reminding them that "potty day" is almost here.
8. Does your son or daughter like to unroll the toliet paper? Try squashing the roll so that the cardboard roll inside is no longer round. This way, it will not unroll as quickly. Also, little ones who are potty training will not get too much paper per pull on the roll.
Usually it takes several practice sessions for a child to understand what they are supposed to be doing and be totally potty trained. Just remember to keep trying, your child will eventually understand and be successful.
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